And so Kittykat is the only Loon in My Cosmic Bowl
by Roxanne the Laugh
Summary: Pizza-a-gogo-land here we come. Dave's sister is getting married to a Handbag Horse. Gee gets to be bridesmaid. And Mas! is bestman. Sun, sea and snogging? Or just part of Mas' cunning plan? Sequel to BTIHMAMLDI... M Rated in parts.
1. Wee Leprechaun Flying the Plane

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

_**Previously in Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it...**_

_**1 minute later**_

_Dave's shoelaces had come untied. _

_He tripped. I fell straight on top of him. _

_Hitting him in the face with my nunga-nungas._

_Rollo and Jools were still dancing near us. _

_Rollo laughed like a loon on loon tablets._

'_Gosh are you two okay?' Jools sounded really concerned as I climbed off of Dave._

_Rollo's still laughing. 'Of course there alright... Because that is how Mr. and Mrs. Laugh do it.'_

_I helped Dave to his feet._

'_Is the Hornmeister okay?'_

'_Nrrrghh...' That's my Dave._

**1. ****Wee Leprechaun Flying the Plane**

Friday, 15 June

**12:23 pm, Departure Lounge **

Watching my betrothed flirting with the airhostesses.

Amelia and Rebecca sat either side of me.

'We'll make Sweetie Pie stop...'

'If he's like bothering you.'

I shook my head. 'It's doesn't bothering me. He's just bored.'

**3 minutes later**

Dave winked at me.

I laughed: he never changes.

We've been official snogging partners for almost 8 months.

It feels like 8 years, so vair much has happened.

**1 minute later**

It's a shame the Ace Gang couldn't come to the wedding.

**12:30 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

Hmmm... Nip libbling.

What was I saying about the Ace Gang?

**2 minutes later**

'Kittykat... Why is the Hornmeister so lucky?'

I smiled. 'Hmmm... The Hornmeister is enticing, not lucky.'

Dave laughed.

'Arr... Sex Kitten has the horn for le Biscuit.'

'The Biscuit would like that, wouldn't he?' He's so full of himself.

**12:42 pm**

Getting on the plane. I'm leading Dave behind me down the aisle.

'Does Kittykat want the window seat?'

'Not if the Hornmeister would like it.'

'Nah... My Sex Kitten may have it.'

He's so cute. 'Awww... Davey you're so cute.'

Dave gave me a funny look.

**1 minute later**

Sitting in our seats with our seat belts fastened.

I let Dave have the window seat. He's such a big kid.

Our captain for today is Jimmy O'Reilly.

He has a thick Irish accent. Dave laughed.

'Blimey O'Reilly... Top of the morning to ya. It's a wee leprechaun flying the plane.'

Roxanne quickly smacked Dave for making fun... And Ash kicked Dave's seat.

'David, you forget we Irish are also stereotypical violent.'

Dave sunk in his seat. 'Sorry Ash.' I laughed.

**3 minutes later**

Dave's imitating the airhostess as she goes through the safety procedures.

It's vair amusing. 'If we should have to evacuate the plane. Please remove any pants and in an orderly fashion make your way to the exits marked here and here.' I laughed.

I didn't find it funny that the plane might crash. Dave was putting on a tres tres stupid accent... And he's rudey dudey-ly adding pants at vair inappropriate places.

**12:51 pm, Take off**

The Hornmeister'sholding Kittykat's hand. 'Kittykat is vair quiet.'

I smiled. 'Maybe she has nothing to say to the Biscuit.'

Dave raised his eyebrows. 'That's not naice Sex Kitten.' I laughed.

**1 minute later**

Dave's pouting at moi. 'Aww... Did Kittykat hurt the Biscuit's feeling?'

I took hold of the Biscuits hand. He didn't speak.

I'll give it a few minutes.

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**1:13 pm**

We've finished taking off.

Dave wants to flirt with the airhostesses again.

Kittykat won't let him. 'But Kittykat doesn't want Davey to go.'

Hehe... The Biscuit's gone vair quiet. I laughed.

**1 minute later**

Running my fingers through Davey's hair.

'Hornmeister, Kittykat didn't mean it. The Biscuit can flirt with the pretty ladeez if he likes.'

A cheeky grin appeared on the Biscuit's face. 'Ooo... Is Kittykat on the turn?'

**1 minute later**

Biffed Davey around the head.

'Don't be rudey dudey. Kittykat was trying to be naice.'

'Arr... Well the Biscuit likes when Kittykat strokes his hair.'

I smiled. 'Does he now?' He nodded: I laughed.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 7¾.

'Lobe you Kittykat.'

**5 minutes later**

'Has the Biscuit been to Pizza-a-gogo land before?'

'Indeed... The Biscuit was baby.'

'Oh... Is it naice?' Dave raised his eyebrows.

'Kittykat, the Biscuit was baby. He doesn't remember.'

**1 minute later**

Thinking about the Laugh's old home movies.

Dave was such a cute little thing.

'Why are there no home movies of it?'

'Arr... The Biscuit hid them. There's one of him on the beach in his nappy.'

I smiled. Kittykat would have to be finding that home movie.

'The Biscuit doesn't like the look in Kittykat's eyes.' I laughed.

'You were such a cute baby, you know?'

Dave is giving moi death glares. 'But the Hornmeister is vair much sexier now.'

**1 minute later**

The cheeky grin was back on Davey's face.

'Sex Kitten, you are such a minx.'

'The Hornmeister will have to wait until tonight to see if that be true.'

Dave's face fell. 'Kittykat that's vair rude.' I laughed.

**1:38 pm**

The Hornmeister has gone for a walk.

**1 minute later**

'Hey Kittykat...' Millie sat next to me.

Wonder where B is? 'B's like in the toilet. She's been feeling like totally sick.'

Ooo... Mill has a touch of Mystic Meg today.

'Is she alright?' Millie nodded.

Millie is vair smiley today. 'Can I like tell you a secret?'

'Err... Sure.'

**1 minute later**

Millie whispered into my ear.

'It's like morning sickness.'

'What?'

'B... It's morning sickness. She's like preggers'

'Really?' Millie nodded.

'Yep. We like both took tests last week. I just don't suffer from much morning sickness.'

'What... You too?' Millie giggled.

'Isn't it amazing?' She sounded really happy.

**3 minutes later**

I couldn't believe Millie and B are preggers.

Millie says she's 10 weeks and B is 8 weeks.

They haven't told Dave.

Millie has asked moi not to mention it, so I won't.

Dave has returned. 'Are you cool cats talking about the Biscuit?'

I smiled. 'Maybe.'

**1 minute later**

Dave sat on Kittykat.

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**1:56pm**

'What were Kittykat and Maria talking about?'

'Err... The wedding. We were saying we hope B feels better.'

Dave raised his eyebrows. 'What would the Biscuit like to do later?'

'Hmmm... The Biscuit would like to take Kittykat for a walk on the beach.'

That's tres tres romantic.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**4 minutes later**

Ashleigh interrupted us. 'Da!'

She sat in the spare seat next to me.

'Midge, Dave's with Gee. He doesn't want teasing.'

Ashleigh frowned. She wouldn't go back to Roxanne.

**2 minutes later**

Ashleigh's sat on my lap.

Dave's playing Noughts and Crosses with Ashleigh.

**1 minute later**

Ashleigh giggled. 'I win.'

The Biscuit has to be letting her win.

**1:34 pm**

Rebecca has reappeared.

She's snuggled up on her hubby's lap.

Dave keeps glancing at her.

The Hornmeister knows something's up.

He'll never guess that his sisters are preggers though.

**5 minutes later**

Hmmm... Kittykat's getting vair sleepy.

Resting moi's head on the Biscuit's shoulder.

It's vair comfy.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzz...

**4****:10 pm, Pizza-a-gogo land**

'Kittykat. Wakey wakey.'

'But Kittykat's sleeping.' Dave laughed.

'The Biscuit can see... We be in Pizza-a-gogo land though.'

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Dave picked me up.

I screamed. 'PUT ME DOWN YOU LOON!'

'Nope.' Dave popped the 'p'.

**4 minutes later, Waiting for Luggage**

Dave had carried Kittykat to the arrival lounge.

He put moi down next to Millie. Millie laughed.

'Least Sweetie Pie didn't drop Kittykat.'

I sighed. 'Is B feeling better?' Millie nodded.

**3 minutes later**

The Biscuit's riding around on the luggage trolleys.

Causing trouble as per usual.

**4:21 pm**

Oops... Dave crashed the trolley into Mas.

I forgot he was here. Kittykat ran over to check Davey was alright.

'DAVE! Are you alright?'

**1 minute later**

Laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

Dave landing on top of Mas. Ooo-err.

Mas pushed Dave off and started to mutter in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

I helped Dave up. He looks vair Dave the Un-Laugh.

'Hornmeister, if you're on the turn you can just tell moi... And crashing into Handbag Horse doesn't work.'

'Arr... That is what Kittykat thinks.'

'No. That is what Kittykat knows. You could have messed up his hair.' Dave laughed.

**4:35 pm, Leaving the Airport**

Sat in the rented car with Davey.

He's giving moi a funny look.

'What?'

'Hmmm... Did Kittykat want to go for a walk on the beach?'

I smiled. 'Maybe. The Biscuit shall have to wait and see.'

'Minx.' And with that Dave snogged moi.

_**A.N.**__** I'm Back. Sorry about the short wait. Firstly I have a new laptop and the keyboard is really hard for me to type on. I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. Then I've been busy busy busy with getting ready to go to uni. I'm not sure how quickly I'll update. I'll try and update regularly. Hope you enjoy this chapter. If it's not good it'll be because I'm getting back into writing. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	2. The Humongous Bath: Population Kittykat

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**2. The Humongous Bath: Population Kittykat**

**5:03 pm, The Hotel**

Gadzooks... The hotel is fab-fabbity.

There's a vair marvy pool area which opens out onto the beach.

Jane and Richard checked in.

Dave dragged me off out of the lobby.

'Where's the Hornmeister taking Kittykat?'

'Arr... Wouldn't Kittykat like to know.'

'Yes. That be why she's asking.'

**4 minutes later**

Walking down the beach.

'Hornmeister. This is tres tres romantic.'

'Anything for Kittykat.'

**1 minute later, In the sea**

Dave started tickle bears.

We both ended up in the sea.

Completely soaked. Dave laughed.

'Oops...'

'At least there's no tadpoles.'

Dave helped me stand up.

'Kittykat looks ridiculous.' Charming.

'The Hornmeister looks ridiculous.'

Davey's hair is a mess, but otherwise he looks vair gorgey.

**1 minute later, Attacking Dave**

Rolling around in the sand.

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**2 minutes later**

Being utterly drenched and rolling around in the sand is not a vair marvy idea.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister are covered in sand.

Dave helped moi to her feet.

'Isn't the Biscuit full of good ideas today?'

Dave laughed. 'Awww... Does Kittykat have sand in her vair humongous knickers?'

**1 minute later**

Giving Dave evils. 'The Biscuit is being rudey dudey again.'

**1 minute later**

Pushed the Hornmeister back into the sea.

... And jogged off up the beach.

**3 minutes later**

Dave caught me. No surprise there.

'That wasn't vair naice Sex Kitten. The Biscuit could have drown.'

I sighed. My horn partner is such a drama queen.

**5:27 pm, Our Utterly Marvy Hotel Room**

The Laughs well laughed at us.

Call-me-Jane took us to our hotel room.

It's fab fabbity. Uber-coolio and trendy.

**1 minute later**

Cleaning up before supper. Call-me- Richard has booked a table at a vair marvy Pizza-a-gogo restaurant.

'Ladeez first.' The Biscuit offering Kittykat first use of the ensuite. I raised my eyebrows.

He raised his higher. 'Would Kittykat rather the Biscuit accompany her in the shower?'

'Hornmeister your such a minx.' Dave winked at moi.

'But Kittykat likes being rudey dudey with the Biscuit.'

I smirked. 'In the Biscuit's dreams.'

Davey raised his eyebrows again. I laughed.

**1 minute later**

Decided to run myself a bath. The bath is humongous.

It would be vair naice to have a soak without my loony family about.

Hope Dave will behave himself.

**5:43 pm**

Persuading the Biscuit to get in the shower, before Kittykat takes her bath.

The Biscuit is vair defiant. 'DAVID! JUST GET IN THE SHOWER!'

**3 minutes later**

Bugger... Soaked again.

Don't ask: it's a vair long story.

**1 minute later**

I suppose, I could tell you loons what happened.

Nub and jist of the matter is that the Hornmeister is a vair naughty biscuit.

How dare he spray Kittykat with the shower thing-ma-jig?

**6:11****pm,****The****humongous****bath:****population****Kittykat**

I locked the ensuite door.

Dave wasn't popping up, whilst Kittykat was soaking in her bubbles.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... It's naice not having Lib's dropping Gordy in the tub.

**1 minute later**

Should have made a mud mask.

**6:45 pm**

Drying off from moi's soak.

The Hornmeister is off being a nuisance elsewhere.

Hmmm... I should probably keep a better eye on my horn partner.

**1****minute****later**

What to wear?

Marvy purple lace dress... or simple black dress.

The purple lace dress is more Sex Kitten-ish.

But the simple black dress is so soph and glamosity.

**4 minutes later**

Black dress... No.

Purple lace... I'm with Dave, so it's Sex Kitten.

**1 minute later**

Purple lace dress with black heels.

Umber smoky eye, dolly pink lippy and several layers of bronzer.

Paint moi's nails purple too.

**7:10 pm**

The Hornmeister has returned.

He looks vair marvy. 'Phwoar Kittykat.'

I smiled. 'The Biscuit looks gorgey too.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**1 minute later **

Nrrrghh... Nip libbling.

**1 minute later**

Gone jelliod. Dave took my hand.

Walked down to the lobby, where the Laughs awaited our arrival.

**1 minute later**

I stumbled in my heels.

The Hornmeister caught me.

Millie and B laughed. 'Been like...'

'... On the Italian...'

'Wine, Gee.'

**7:23 pm, Ristorante Italia**

The restaurant is fab. Dave pulled out a chair for moi.

'Dopo di te, Cara.'

Gadzooks... Something has replaced my Davey. 'Dave?'

He nodded. 'Cara?'

'Don't call me that.' Dave laughed.

'Anything you say Sesso Gattino.'

**3 minutes later**

Sesso Gattino. Sex Kitten.

That's my Davey.

**7:31 pm**

Hmmm... The Italian waiters are gorgey.

**1 minute later**

The Biscuit told Kittykat off for using sticky eyes.

I turned into a giant red loon.

'Such a red bottom my Kittykat has.'

I shook my head. 'No... The Hornmeister is my one and only.'

**5 minutes later**

Hehe... The poor waiter looked like he was going to have a nervy b.

Millie fluttered her boy entrancers at him.

He dropped the ice bucket on his foot.

Dave gave the waiter a slow applause.

We laughed like loons.

**10:34 pm, In bed**

Had a marvy night with the Laughs.

The food was fab-fabbity.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... I'm vair sleepy.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzz...

Saturday, 16 June

**10:00 am**

'Wakey wakey... Kittykat.'

'Kittykat is sleeping.' I grumbled.

Dave laughed. 'The Biscuit can see that.'

**15 minutes later**

Hmmm... Where did the duvet go?

**1 minute later**

Playing tug-of-war with the duvet.

'DAVID! GIVE THE DUVET BACK!'

Dave shook his head. 'The Biscuit is going to the pool. Kittykat come too. In her bikini.'

'You're such a minx, Hornmeister.' He winked at me.

**4 minutes later**

The Hornmeister is pouting at moi.

**1 minute later**

Getting changed into moi's bikini.

Georgia you're such a weed. Shut up brain.

The Hornmeister wins this time.

**10:15 am, Pool Side**

Laughing like a loon. I pushed Dave in the pool.

That'll teach the Biscuit to wake Kittykat up.

**11:00 am**

The Hornmeister has left moi alone to sunbath in the vair gorgey Pizza-a-gogo-land sun.

I'd rolled over, so that I didn't burn my nunga-nungas. Love Pizza-a-gogo-land.

There are no tossers, like Big Gob Mark, to gawk over Kittykat when she's sunbathing topless.

Unless I count the Hornmeister but his mincers are more than welcome.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang will be so vair jealous of my uber tan.

**4 minutes later**

This is vair relaxing.

I might even fall to sleep.

No... Bad idea.

I want to be sun kissed: not turned to a crisp.

**3****minutes****later**

I felt a hand on my back.

Hmmm... 'Dave, not now.'

'Cara?' Blimey O'Reilly that isn't Dave. It's Masimo.

... And I'm topless.

**1 minute later**

Just knocked my bikini top off the side.

Flip flip flippidy... I can't reach it.

'Bella. We walk, yes?'

'Err... Okay. Let me just get...'

'No Bella. It not problema.'

... And that's when Mas pulled me to my feet.

**2 minutes later**

How do I always find myself in such awkward fandangos?

Masimo led me out onto the beach. We walked along the water's edge.

My nunga-nungas still roaming freely in the Pizza-a-gogo land sun.

I was on the verge of having an f.t.

'Awww Cara... The ocean, she is beautiful.'

'I guess.'

'I miss us, Cara. We be like the ocean.'

Ekk... What do I say?

**1 minute later**

Mas took my hand. He pressed it gently to his lips.

'Cara... You're my ocean.'

Where the flip is the Hornmeister when I need him?

**11:32 am**

Mas tried to snog me. I stepped back.

'Mas... We can't. I'm with Dave.'

I pulled my hand out of Mas' as I walked backwards.

'Dave is immaturo. He never care for Cara.'

That wasn't true.

**1 minute later**

Mas had me pinned against the wall of a little breach hut.

'Ti amo, Cara.' He then snogged me.

I was completely and utterly awestruck.

**4****minutes****later**

Mas' vair strong: I couldn't push him away.

**12:07 pm, Back in My Hotel Room**

Blubbering...

I reached number 7 with Mas.

I feel really vair awful about it.

Think I'm going to be sick. I want Dave.

**10 minutes later**

Dave finally found me. He had my bikini top.

'Kittykat... Where did you go? The Biscuit was worried.'

**1 minute later**

'Awww Kittykat. What's wrong?'

He'd seen me blubbering.

He sat on the bed in front of moi.

**1 minute later**

Sitting on Dave's lap. Still crying.

'Kittykat not going to tell the Biscuit want is wrong?'

'I don't feel well.' This wasn't exactly a lie.

I wanted to tell Dave. I really did.

... But he'd kill Mas.

... And Kittykat will have to help the Biscuit hide the body.

I'm too young to be a jail bird...

And I don't like vertical strips.

They make me look porky.

**4 minutes later**

Zzzzz...

**2:02 pm**

Opened my eyes to find Dave stroking my cheek.

I didn't tell the Biscuit to stop. It's vair naice.

He smiled. 'Kittykat feel better?'

'Much better now the Biscuit is here.'

_**A.N. Sorry about the wait. I haven't forgotten about you all, but am recovering from freshers and trying to hide my mountain of university work. I should be doing work now but I decided to write this wonderful chapter. I hope you all enjoy it. It may be a little weak in parts because I'm out of practice. I'm thinking about rearranging my plot a little, so we get the the good part quicker. I was trying to remember if I told you all the date of Millie's wedding. If I did could someone please tell me. I'm thinking about moving it but if I've already mentioned a date then it will stay that date. I have had lots of comments from my readers and I would just like them all to know that I'm trying my best to write but I have a lot of work to do. I will always try and update and I shan't be quitting the story. You will get a fab ending. Love RoxannetheLaugh... **_


	3. DAVID! KITTYKAT'S ON FIRE!

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**3. DAVID! KITTYKAT'S ON FIRE!**

Sunday, 17 June

**1:10 pm**

Pushed the Hornmeister into a bush... Not on purpose you loons.

The Hornmeister took hold of moi's hand.

... And spoke in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

'Awww Bellissimo.' I thought the Hornmeister was Mas.

I have a nervy b. every time I hear Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Number 8 on the 'losing it' scale.

The Hornmeister would reach number 10 on the 'losing it' scale if he knew about Mas.

It would break the Hornmeister's heart.

**5 minutes later**

Dave's giving moi the cold shoulder.

**2:34 pm, Blubbering**

How can I tell Davey about Mas, when he's giving moi the cold shoulder?

Dave! You fules. Mas certainly isn't giving moi the cold shoulder.

**12 minutes later**

The Biscuit just appear in our room.

He paused a second...

**3 minutes later**

Okay. A vair long second.

**1 minute later**

'Why's Kittykat blubbering all over the Biscuit's pillow?'

What...? Why am I hugging a pillow?

Dave laughed. 'Tis my ickle Kittykat still sicky-icky?'

**1 minute later**

I hit the Hornmeister over the head with his pillow.

'Don't treat moi like a baby.' Dave sighed.

'The Biscuit was trying to make Kittykat smiley again.'

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

This is why I love Dave.

Dave snogs Kittykat, even when he thinks she has la lurgies.

**4:29 pm, Playing Doctors and Nurses with Davey**

Kittykat is the Hornmeister's patient.

'Dave, where in the name of Jazzy's humongous knickers, did that nurses outfit come from?'

The Biscuit has a vair cheeky grin on his face. 'Wouldn't Kittykat like to know?'

'Oui... That be why she is asking.' Dave just winked at me.

'Time for Kittykat's inspection.'

Hmmm... Don't like the sound of that.

**34 minutes later**

Laughing like a loon on loon tablets.

My Hornmeister is the best... Even when he's wearing that ridiculous nurses outfit.

**1 minute later**

_Kittykat's Symptoms and Diagnosis_

_Inflammation of nunga-nungas and conk_

_Full Frontal Deficiency_

_Mousey eyes and smudgy make-up_

_Has the horn for Nurse Biscuit._

_Kittykat's Treatment_

_Several numbers from the Snogging Scale starting at 6_

_Tickle Bears_

_Side affect of Treatment_

_Laughing spaz_

_Jelliod like symptoms_

**5:23 pm**

My side is aggers, but I can't stop laughing.

'Kittykat has la giggles.'

The Biscuit caught moi as I almost fell off the bed for the third time.

'The Biscuit isn't that funny Kittykat.'

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

I've gone totally jelliod.

On the bright side la giggles have gone.

Monday, 18 June

**7:13 am**

The Hornmeister is in a vair marvy mood.

He's singing in the shower which is tres tres amusing.

**3 minutes later**

Richard has rented a minibus to take us sightseeing in Rome.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... What does one wear to go sightseeing?

My favourite high waisted shorts with a tshirt.

... Or my new black playsuit with its colourful ditsy print.

**1 minute later**

The high waisted shorts are my favourite, but the playsuit is definitely full of cute-osity.

**3 minutes later**

The playsuit...

No... The shorts.

**5 minutes later**

The Biscuit came out the ensuite to find moi in her undercrackers.

'Kittykat, why aren't you dressed?'

'Because Hornmeister... I need your advice. Shorts or playsuit?'

**7:31 am**

Dave stood thinking about the two outfits which I was holding up.

'Hmmm... Both items of clothing give the Hornmeister easy access to Kittykat's delightfully plumb botty. But the shorts will be coupled with a tshirt and hideaway Kittykat's gorgey nunga-nungas. The Hornmeister therefore picks the playsuit, because Kittykat shouldn't be allowed to hide her basoomas.'

'Are you saying moi's botty is tres enormous?' Dave laughed.

'No... I shall correct Kittykat. The Biscuit said delightfully plumb.'

'Fat?' Dave shook his head.

'Good for a fondle.'

'Cheek Sod.' Dave just winked at me.

**7:52 am**

Davey and I walked down to the lobby holding hands.

**40 minutes later, The Minibus**

It's taking forever to get to Rome.

**8:43 am**

The Hornmeister is asleep against the window.

Millie is watching him from across the aisle.

'Like watch this Gee... DAVID! KITTYKAT'S ON FIRE!'

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister whacked his head against the window.

Millie laughed. 'Maria, you're an evil person.'

Dave's eyes narrowed and Millie laughed even more.

Poor Davey.

**3 minutes later**

Stroking Davey's head.

'Kittykat you're such a marvy girly-friend.'

'Only because the Biscuit is a fab boyfriend.'

**9:25 am, Rome**

The Hornmeister brought me ice-cream for breaky.

'Gorgeous Kittykat... Breakfast.'

**1 minute later**

The ice-cream is vair yummy.

**9:34 am**

Sat with Dave by a fountain in a pretty Pizza-a-gogo-land courtyard.

Call-me-Jane says we're waiting for our tour guide.

**6 minutes later**

Bugger... Our tour guide is Mas. 'Ciao Cara.'

I grabbed the Hornmeister's hand.

**8 minutes later, The Colosseum**

Ignorous vousing Mas.

'Cara. I make you sad?'

**9:57 am**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

**3 minutes later**

Gosh Mas is dullosity. Dave keeps yawning.

**11:34 am**

Why did the Roman-type-people build so many fancy buildings in Rome?

**3:02 pm**

The Hornmeister picked a real crappio time to go to the wazzarium.

Millie and Rebecca have gone baby shopping.

... And Jane and Richard are being lovey-dovey.

I'm still ignorous vousing Mas, but apparently he doesn't understand.

'Cara.'

'Go away, Mas. I love Dave.'

'Awww Bellissimo. Dave be immaturo. He love the laughs... Not Cara.'

**2 minutes later**

Mas tried to snog me. I slapped him.

'MAS! I LOVE DAVE! AND HE LOVES ME!'

**1 minute later**

Dave had returned. 'Sesso Gattino, la mia donnina della notte.'

'NON CHIAMARE IL SUO COSÌ!' Ooo... This can't end well.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister is arguing with Mas in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

'TENETE LA VOSTRA BORSA FUORI DA QUESTO!'

'COSA BORSA? PARLI DI QUESTE BORSE E MI FA COSÌ TRASVERSALE!'

'SEMPLICE... ALCUNI DI NOI HANNO MODI CON LE DONNE E GLI ALTRI NO!'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Mas just hit Dave.

Please no fisticuffs.

Not again.

**3:24 pm**

The Biscuit didn't hit the Handbag Horse.

Mas left. I took hold of the Biscuit's hand.

'What did you call moi?'

Dave smiled. 'My little woman of the night.'

Awww... Hang on.

'Dave, I'm not a prozzie.'

'The Biscuit never said Kittykat was.'

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

Tuesday, 19 June

**8:29 am**

The Hornmeister snogged me awake.

'The Biscuit is going out with his Vati today. Kittykat better behave herself.'

I smiled without sucking my conk in. 'She will... Have fun on your man-date?'

'Shut up.' And then Dave snogged me again. Number 6.

**11:03 am**

'GEE!' What?

How did Mills get in here?

'GEE! WAKE UP!'

**1 minute later**

Millie pulled the duvet off the bed.

'Mills... Can't I have five more minutes?'

'But Rebecca's ill. And Val's Mom wants me to have a ultrasound scan... And no one else will come with me.'

**5 minutes later**

Out of bed. 'Why isn't Val allowed to go with you?'

'Because it's like bad luck... It's a family thing. Val's Mom won't let him come.'

**11:32 am, The Hospital**

Call-me-Jane has insisted on coming along.

Millie is embarrassed by Jane.

Jane insisted on performing the scan.

'Mom... Just let the doctor like do his job.'

'Sweetie, don't be ridiculous. I know what I'm looking for.'

**15 minutes later**

Hmmm... Jane had apparently been looking for a vair fussy picture of two blobs.

'See that Sweetie.' Millie smiled widely.

'I'm having twins.' Wow.

That's pretty coolio, even if I can't see anything on the picture.

**12:03 pm**

Millie told me that Rebecca is expecting twins too.

They're telling Dave tonight. This should be interesting.

**12:14 pm, Back at The Hotel**

Mas caught me in the lobby.

'Georgia... We talk?' Hmmm.

'Fine Mas.' Not sure why I agreed to talk to him.

**5 minutes later**

Sat at the edge of the pool.

We've got our feet in the water.

'Cara. Why Dave? Why not me?'

Bugger... What do I say?

'It's not that I don't like you, Mas. You're an amazing and fab and everything... But it's was always complicated between us. What with Lindsey? And Robbie? And Dave? I'm meant to be with Dave.'

'But we bellissimo, Cara.' Mas brushed my hair behind my ear. 'I love you, Cara.'

**1 minute later, In the pool**

Mas went to snog me. I pushed him into the pool.

You loons can probably guess how I ended up in the pool with Mas...

No.

Let's just say, I didn't realise that he had his arm around me.

Mas laughed.

**2 minutes later**

I splashed Mas. He splashed me back.

**10 minutes later**

Running through the lobby blubbering.

I'd snogged Mas. Number 5.

It was an accident.

I wasn't thinking straight.

**1 minute later**

I'm a vair biggish prat.

I'm supposed to be Dave's horn partner.

**12:50 pm**

I've locked myself out of our hotel room.

Sat in the corridor, blubbering.

**3 minutes later**

'Georgia? Are you alright, Hun?'

It's Roxanne. 'Hunni, you're soaked.'

I wiped my eyes. Roxanne helped me to my feet.

'Come on, let's get you dried off... And then we'll talk.'

**1:30 pm**

Told Roxanne about Mas.

'... And he won't leave me alone. I don't even love him anymore. I love Dave.'

'You know Hun, you should tell Dave.' Roxanne was right.

I should tell Dave. But I can't.

**4 minutes later**

Roxanne sent Aaron to get ice-cream when he returned with Ashleigh.

Ashleigh sat staring at me. 'Ma-mee. G sad?'

Roxanne stroked Ashleigh's hair.

'No Darlin. She'll be okay.' Ashleigh gave moi a big hug.

I really miss Libs.

**5:29 pm, Mine and Dave's Hotel Room**

The Hornmeister is sat on the bed. He isn't talking.

'Davey. Is everything alright?' He just nodded.

'My sister's are pregnant.' He sounded so vair scared.

'Awww... Davey.' I wrapped my arms around his neck. 'That's totally fab?'

**1 minute later**

Dave started to smile. I went to kiss him on the cheek.

Dave turned his head to turn the kiss into full frontal snogging.

Cheek Cat.

Hmmm... Nip Libbling.

_**A.N. I'm back. The great news is in a week's time I have a break from university. A break with no revision and no university work. I will be trying to get as much of this written in that week as possible. I hope you enjoy this chapter. It's a bit of a filler because Millie's wedding is soon to be here and that's when it all kicks off. I promise that it all turns out happy in the end and in response to miss tangerineleaf comment I shall certainly not be making Gee and Mas reach number ten. That is a little icky. Nevertheless enjoy this chapter and please review. Love RoxannetheLaugh... **_


	4. Kittykat you're such a gentleman

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**4. Kittykat you're such a gentleman**

Wednesday, 20 June

**6:30 pm**

Babysitting... Roxanne and her husband have gone to the hen party and stag do.

Dave and I are babysitting Ashleigh, because we're not old enough to attend the parties.

**2 minutes later**

Ashleigh has lots of dollies.

... And they're no terrifying Czech-made doll.

Ashleigh's Vati obviously lobe her enough not to traumatise her.

There's also no rotting vegetables, singing cod and Lord Sandra.

**1 minute later**

Listening to Ashleigh introducing Dave to her dollies.

''his Miss. Bunny. Da-dee gid me her. And 'his Pixie. And 'his Ma-me doll. She gid it to me. And 'his me. Aunty B knit me her...' Dave sat listening patiently.

**4 minutes later**

Dave sat next to moi.

Ashleigh is playing on the floor with her dollies.

'You're vair patient Hornmeister.' Dave seemed a little distant.

'Do you think the Biscuit will have nieces or nephews?'

Awww...That's vair cute. 'What would the Biscuit like?'

**1 minute later**

Dave was thinking.

The Hornmeister was going to be a vair fab Uncle.

**7:45 pm**

Ashleigh has fallen to sleep on Dave's lap.

It's so cute... The Hornmeister isn't sure what to do.

'Put her into her travel cot.' Dave followed my instructions carefully.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**1 minutes later**

Dave pushed me away.

'Georgia...' Ooo. This can't be good.

'David...' Dave raised his eyebrows.

I raised mine higher.

'Gee... Don't be a div.'

'David is a div.' Dave laughed.

'You're such a minx. I'll snog you in a minute.'

**4 minutes later**

Dave is worried about Mill and B.

'Davey... They both have totally fab hubbies. I'm sure they don't need Sweet Pie having a nervy b.'

Dave changed the subject. 'Does Sex Kitty look gorgy in her bridesmaid dress?'

'The Hornmeister will have to wait and see.'

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister attacked Kittykat.

Number 8 with le hint of numero nove. Ooo-err.

Thursday, 21 June

**6:30 am, The Big Day**

'Georgia... Georgia.' Rebecca was shaking me awake.

I groaned. 'Five more minutes.' She laughed.

'But we've only got three and a half hours to get ready.'

Rebecca pulled the duvet off the bed.

**1 minute later**

Now Dave is awake.

'What are you doing, the Biscuit is trying to sleep?'

He snatched the duvet off of Rebecca and curled up in it.

Charming... Hog the entire duvet why don't you Hornmeister?

**2 minutes later**

Got out of bed. Rebecca took my hand and led me to the Bridal Suite.

Mrs. Valentino's Mutti is fussing over Millie. Rebecca chuckled.

'Alessandra has a very traditional Italian approach to pregnancy... She and Mom don't agree on much.'

**1 minute later**

Jane offered me a glass of vino tinto. It was rather naice.

I sat on the bed watching everyone gossing in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

**6:36 am**

Roxanne has arrived. She sat next to me on the bed.

She is holding little Ashleigh who's still in boboland.

'Morning Georgia.' I smiled.

Roxanne is vair marvy. She's also vair naice to me.

She'd sat listening to me having a complete ditherspaz after the Mas incident.

In case you fules have forgotten.

'Are you feeling better today?' I nodded.

'Yeah...'

'That's good.'

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... I should really tell Dave that I accidently snogged Mas.

Dave would go utterly ballisiticisimus.

They'll be fisticuffs at dawn if I tell him.

**6:59 am**

Ashleigh has woken up.

She's jumping on the bed behind me.

'G... Where Day?' She lobes Dave.

He's the only person who will play with her.

I smiled at her. 'He's sleeping.'

**1 minute later**

I can't remember Libs every being this cute.

Ashleigh's in Roxanne's arms again.

Roxanne is a really fabbity Mutti.

'Where's baby's nose?'

Ashleigh touched her nose. 'Ear...' Roxanne chuckled.

'Very good midge.'

**7:12 am**

Rebecca introduced me to Valentino's little sis: Camilla.

Camilla is Mill's fourth bridesmaid. She's fourteen.

**4 minutes later**

Roxanne put some music on.

Rebecca ushered Call-me-Jane and Mrs. Valentino's Mutti out of the room.

Millie sighed. 'Thanks. They're like driving me mad.' Mills looked at moi.

'Morning Kittykat.' I smiled.

'Morning Mills.'

**5 minutes later**

Roxanne is curling my hair. 'Did you tell Dave about Mas?'

Luckily Rebecca was now fussing over Mill.

They didn't hear.

'No... I can't. He'll get mad.' Roxanne sighed.

'He wouldn't stay mad forever.'

**7:29 am**

I'll tell Dave about Mas tomorrow.

One more day wouldn't hurt...

**7:43 am**

Gadzooks... My hair is fab.

Full of so much bounciosity.

'It's totally marvy.' Roxanne smiled.

'I have lots of experience. My hubby loves curly hair.'

**1 minute later**

B has started my makeup. Roxanne's curling Millie's hair.

'Rebecca. Are you feeling better today?'

Rebecca smiled. 'Much better. Thank you.'

'Dave's nervous about the pregnancies.' B laughed.

'Sweet Pie worries too much.'

**8:03 am**

Climbing into my bridesmaid dress.

It's full length: strapless.

Very plain with a single cascading ruffle.

I feel vair beautiful in my bridesmaid dress.

**1 minute later**

Wow. Millie's wedding dress is gorgy.

It's made of white lace. Mermaid style with a sweetheart neckline.

Below her knees it has many layers with a short train.

She looks amazing in it.

**8:12 am**

Davey burst through the door.

'Ladies. Time for the Biscuit to claim his Sex Kit... Phwoar.'

**3 minutes later**

Dave twirled moi on the spot.

'Kittykat is beautiful.' I smiled.

B and Millie laughed. 'Awww. Sweetie Pie. That's...'

'Like totally cute.'

The Hornmeister stuck his tongue out and lead me out the room.

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**2 minutes later**

'The Hornmeister is vair gorgey today.'

Dave smiled. 'Thank you. Now Kittykat needs breaky.'

We walked down to breakfast.

**8:32 am**

Breakfast is vair scrummy yummy.

'Kittykat is wearing her necklace.'

I swallowed my mouthful and looked at Davey.

I was wearing the Love Heart necklace which the Hornmeister gave me.

'Kittykat doesn't take it off.' Dave smiled.

**9:02 am**

Snogging Dave. Number 5.

It was time for the ushers to usher themselves to church.

Like usher-y things on usher tables.

'Bye Kittykat. The Biscuit shall see her in church.'

I smiled. 'Bye Dave.'

**2 minutes later, Bridal Suite**

Wow... Millie is tres tres gorgy.

Not in a lessie way, you loons.

**20 minutes later**

The bouquets have arrived.

B handed one to me.

**9:40 am**

Climbing into the car with B, Roxanne, Camilla and Mills.

The car is vair coolio.

Call-me-Richard sat next to the driver.

**5 minutes later**

Driving to the church.

Millie looks a little green.

'Mills. You alright?'

Millie nodded. 'Of course I am.'

B laughed. 'Okay. Just checking.'

**1 minute later**

Rebecca phoned the church to make sure they're ready.

Apparently Val is nervous too. Mills smiled.

'He's like been nervous for weeks.'

Roxanne laughed. 'It's okay to be nervous.'

Millie frowned. 'I know.'

**9:55 am, Arrived at the Church**

I stood beside Rebecca waiting to enter.

Millie took Richard's arm.

'I love you, Dad.' Richard smiled.

'I love you too, Silly Milly.' Millie laughed.

**5 minutes later**

Walking down the aisle.

Charles is playing the piano.

He's really rather fab.

**3 minutes later**

The victor-type-person started the ceremony.

I took my seat next to Dave.

Dave was holding a video camera.

'And here's Kittykat. Isn't she pretty?'

'David. You're supposed to be filming Millie.'

The Hornmeister shook his head.

**10:14 am**

Persuaded the Biscuit to get the camera out of my face.

He's now filming a vair tearful Jane.

I hope Millie has another cameraman.

**11:12 am**

The ceremony was vair marvy.

We all clapped when the victor announced that Val may kiss the bride.

Millie blushed bright red and whispered something in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

**2 minutes later**

Val carried Millie out of the church.

Everyone covered them in confetti... and rice?

**11:23 am**

We're having photographs. Many, many photographs.

If I smile for much longer my face may stay like this.

**3 minutes later**

Millie wants a photo of Kittykat and the Hornmeister.

Standing in Dave's arms.

'Try and look cute Sex Kitty. You're on the Biscuit's good side.'

'All of the Biscuit's sides are good.' Dave smiled.

'Awww... Kittykat you're such a gentleman.'

What? Gentleman?

'Kittykat thinks the Biscuit is tres confused. Kittykat is girly.'

**1 minute later**

Dave fondled Kittykat's botty.

I pulled a tres horrific face for the camera.

Millie told Dave off. We had the photo retaken.

**3:15 pm**

The lunch after church was vair naice.

I sat with Dave at the bride and groom's table.

Dave did a vair funny speech about Millie.

He told everyone about the time Mills had a crush on Darren.

She sent him flowers and everything.

I know Millie will kill Davey later for mentioning this.

Mas did a short speech about Val. It was in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

And I lead my finish toast, blessing the bride and groom.

Davey translated for me. I'm sure the Biscuit adapted the words a little, because the people of Pizza-a-gogo land gave moi vair odd looks.

**3:36 pm**

Millie and Val are having their reception in the hotel ballroom.

It's been decorated with flowers and balloon and other fab decorations.

**1 minute later**

Dave wrapped his arms around me.

'Kittykat is going to help the Biscuit.'

I didn't like the sound of that.

Dave laughed. 'Don't be scared Sex Kitten.'

**5 minutes later**

Dave has rigged a remote controlled car to trip Val over.

**3 minutes later**

Val quickly found out about the remote controlled car.

Weirdly the Hornmeister is playing hide 'n' seek.

Millie went utterly ballisiticisimus. 'DAVID!'


	5. OFF WITH HIS PANTS!

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**5. OFF WITH HIS PANTS!**

**4:00 pm**

Val and Mills first dance as a married couple.

It's so vair cute. They're whispering in Pizza-a-gogo-ese.

**1 minute later**

Davey wrapped his arms around moi's waist.

'Will Kittykat slow dance with the Biscuit?'

'Of course.' Dave smiled.

**4 minutes later**

Slow dancing with Dave.

It's vair naice.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... The Biscuit's hands have slipped to my botty.

'Hornmeister!'

'Kittykat...' I raised my eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher.

'The Biscuit's hands are on Kittykat's botty.'

'Indeed.' Dave winked at me.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

Hmmm. Nip Libbling.

**4:18 pm**

Millie and B dragged moi away from Davey.

'HEY KITTYKAT IS THE BISCUIT'S DATE!'

Mill stuck her tongue out.

'SHE'S LIKE MY BRIDESMAID!'

**3 minute later**

Millie and B dragged me across the dance floor.

'Millie has...'

'like something to give Kittykat.'

We stopped at the brides table.

Millie searched through her bag.

**4:29 pm**

Gadzooks. She'd brought moi a vair expensive bracelet.

'We were thinking...'

'Like the other day. How...'

'Much we love you. And...'

'How much we like...'

'Want you to be our sis. Even if...'

'Sweet Pie does work out for you.'

**3 minutes later**

My inner goldfish was showing itself.

Mill and B laughed. 'Gee?'

Wow. The bracelet is gorgy.

**2 minutes later**

Mill and B both hugged me.

'You can thank..'

'Us later.'

**4:38 pm**

Dave noticed the bracelet.

'And Kittykat thought it was hard to get rid of the Biscuit.'

I laughed. 'Why would Kittykat want to get rid of her Biscuit?'

'Because Kittykat is the Queen of Tarts.'

Biffed Dave over the head for his tres tres rude comment.

Dave laughed. 'What?'

'OFF WITH HIS PANTS!'

Fabbity. Another thing the Biscuit find tres amusing about moi.

**4 minutes later**

Giving Davey the ole' cold shoulder.

**1 minute later**

'Kittykat may have the Biscuit's pants for her collection.'

Biffed Dave over the head. Again.

Davey pouted at me. 'I sorry Sex Kitten. Please forgive me.'

**4:45 pm**

Stupid Laugh.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

I'm so weedy. Shut up brain.

Hmmm... Nip Libbling.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister has given moi stupid brain.

'Kittykat?'

'Nrrrghh.' Dave laughed.

**4 minutes later**

Sitting on Dave's lap.

'That wasn't nice Hornmeister.'

'The Hornmeister be the Queen's, King of Tarts.'

I laughed. 'Davey, you're such a loon.'

**5:08 pm**

Mill and Val are cutting their tres humongous wedding cake.

Everyone's taking pictures.

**1 minute later**

Blimey O'Reilly... Millie shoved the first piece of cake into Val's face.

Everyone gasped. Val laughed.

'Tale una risata.' Millie smiled.

'Ti amo.' Awww.

**5:16 pm**

The Biscuit got moi some cake.

It's vair vair yummy scrummy.

**4 minutes later**

Not sure how... Dave ended up with cake all over him.

I suspect his sisters were involved.

'Does the Biscuit look tasty?' I laughed.

'Kittykat will be the judge of that.'

**1 minute later**

Licked the cake off the Hornmeister's face.

The Hornmeister snogged me.

Number 6.

So now Kittykat is covered in tres delicious cake.

**5:28 pm, Tart Wardrobe**

Washing cake off my face.

Rebecca followed to help touch up my makeup.

'Rebecca?'

'Georgia?'

'Thanks for the bracelet.'

Rebecca smiled. 'That's perfectly alright.'

**4 minutes later**

Dave had got me a drink.

He pulled a chair out for me.

'The Biscuit doesn't have to apologise.'

**1 minute later**

Ouch. Cheeky Sod.

The Biscuit pulled the chair from under me.

Think I've broken my bum-oley.

**1 minute later**

Dave helped me to my feet.

'Now Kittykat deserves an apology.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging the Hornmeister. Number 6.

With a hint of nip libbling. Hmmm.

**5:43 pm**

Sitting on Dave's lap.

'I think the Hornmeister has broken Kittykat's botty.'

**3 minutes later**

Ekk... The Biscuit just gave Kittykat's botty a good fondle.

'Nope.' Dave popped the 'p'. 'All present and just how the Biscuit left it.'

I raised my eyebrows. Cheeky Cat.

**4 minutes later**

Watching Dave slow dance with Camilla.

I think Camilla lobes the Biscuit.

Roxanne is on stage singing.

**1 minute later**

'Cara... May we dance?' Bugger.

I forgot Mas was here.

'Sure Mas.' What?

No brain. I don't want too.

**2 minutes later**

Dancing with Mas.

Mas twirled me under his arm.

'Cara look bellissimo today.'

Quick... What do I say?

'Mas. You understand that we're just matey-mates.'

'Si Cara.' But matey-mates don't snog.

**6:13 pm**

Dave finally reclaimed his Kittykat.

'May I cut in.' Mas nodded.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

**6:34 pm**

Dave pushed me onto the middle of dance floor.

Millie is about to throw her bouquet.

**3 minutes later**

Gadzooks... I caught the bouquet.

B laughed. 'Sweetie Pie. I hear wedding bells.'

I turned into a red loon.

**5 minutes later**

Sitting on the Biscuit's lap.

The Biscuit has vair cute dimples.

**1 minute later**

Dave ran his fingers through my hair.

'Pretty little Kittykat.' I laughed.

Dave frowned. 'What?'

'The Biscuit is a loon.'

**1 minute later**

Dave snogged me. Number 6.

**6:47 pm**

Ashleigh found Dave.

'Day. Dance.' Awww.

I let Dave stand. He took Ashleigh's hand.

**10 minutes later**

Dave danced with Ashleigh.

Roxanne sat next to me.

'Three years ago that was Aaron with his sister's little girl.'

I laughed. 'Vati would kill me if I said I was preggers.'

Roxanne laughed. 'Wasn't suggesting it. Just saying Dave will make a great father.'

**6:58 pm**

Millie told Roxanne to stop scaring me.

She sat the other side of me.

'Don't listen to her. She likes causing trouble.'

Roxanne laughed.

'You bet. You remember when I told Ms. Simpson that I was preggers.'

'She didn't believe you.'

'Nope. I had a diva spaz in her office.'

'She had to call Darren to send Aaron over.'

'And that's how Aaron found out about the baby.'

**23 minutes later**

Hmmm. Wonder if I'll be back at Stalag 14 this September.

Miss. Wilson was so sad on our last day.

She cried and kissed us.

It wasn't pretty.

**7:24 pm**

Next year will be odd.

RoRo, Ellen and Mabs are going collage.

It'll just be Jazzy, Jools and me at Stalag 14.

I promised Dave through. Jane says he has to go university.

I promised I'd get my grades and go with the Hornmeister.

Wish me luck you loons... I'm going to need it.

**4 minutes later**

Standing on the balcony with the Hornmeister.

He has his arm around Kittykat.

'Kittykat nervous about her exam results?'

'How did the Biscuit know?'

'Mystic Meg at Kittykat's service.' I laughed.

'I'm marvy, fanks.' Dave rested his head against mine.

'Kittykat will be okay. She not divvy.' I smiled.

**7:40 pm**

Watching the sunset over the marvy Pizza-a-gogo landscape from the balcony.

The Hornmeister is getting drinks.

**4 minutes later**

I suspect the Hornmeister is being held hostage by Camilla.

Damn... Irresistible Hornmeister.

**3 minutes later**

'Cara, she is beautiful.' Bugger.

Why does Mas always pop-up when the Hornmeister isn't around?

Why does the Hornmeister have such naff timing?

**1 minute later**

'Ciao.' What?

Why am I being so naice?

**4 minutes later**

Vair awkward fandango watching the sunset with Mas.

**7:58 pm**

Gadzooks... Mas snogged me. Again!

**7 minutes later**

I slapped Mas.

'MAS! I DON'T LOVE YOU!'

**2 minutes later**

Wow... I actually hit the Luuurve God.

Again.

_**A.N. Okay... So I haven't really been able to write as much as I hoped. I started the last chapter and it ran over into two chapters. I'm sorry I haven't managed to write more but the university landed me with a load of work. I'll try and write the next chapter soon. I have most of it written and I just have to write the linking sequences. It will be in Dave's POV. Hope you love this chapter. Remember to review because I always love seeing what you guys think. And the review emails remind me that I'm supposed to be writing. Love RoxannetheLaugh... **_


	6. A wall isn't exactly the best Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**6. A wall isn't exactly the best boxing opponent |Dave's POV|**

**7:40 pm**

Fetched a drink for Kittykat.

Camilla had stopped me at the drinks table.

She creeps the Biscuit out. She flirts with me.

In poxy Italian... And she tries to speak English.

'Ciao David.' Oh. And she calls me, David.

'Hey Mila. Would you like a drink?'

Fortunately the Biscuit is polite to his new sis-in-law.

'Si. Please.'

**1 minute later**

Camilla won't let me return to Kittykat.

'David. We danced again?'

'Maybe Mila.' Camilla smiled.

'I love dancing. Specially by you, David.'

There she goes again. David.

'Mila, Babe. I have to go now. Gee will want her drink.'

Camilla kissed me on the cheek.

**1 minute later**

Walking back over to the balcony.

Kittykat is so very beautiful today.

Her dress is tres magnificent.

**8:01 pm**

I didn't believe my eyes.

Gee was on the balcony, getting off with Mas.

**1 minute later**

I dropped the drinks.

**2 minutes later**

Why? Why Georgia? Why?

**A Gazillion Vodka Shots Later **

Where am I? Why is everything spinning?

'Dave, mate... How many have you had?'

Who are you? 'W-WHY D-DO YO-UUU CARE?'

'Mate. It's me.' Who? Who is me? I is me.

**1 minute later**

Hehe... Me is fuzzy.

'WHY YOU FUZZY?'

**1 minute later**

'W-WHY AM I-I-I ON THE FL-OOOR?'

'Mate. Don't have to shout. I can hear you.'

'WHERE TAKE ME?' Me laughed.

'Son. We're going to bed.'

'NO! GET OFF! NOT GOING SEE KITTYKAT! HATE KITTYKAT!'

**4 minutes later**

Pretty lights.

Ooo... Cardboard box.

Hehe. Silly hat.

Me laughed. 'Son. You don't know where that box has been.'

'NO! MY HAT! YOU CAN'T HAVE IT!'

**1 minute later**

Laughing. So much laughing.

**1 minute later**

So tired. Tired, so sleepy.

Zzzzz... 'Sweetie. You're too heavy. You have to walk-ee.'

Friday, 22 June

**5:12 am**

Argh. Splitting headache.

How'd I get here?

**5 minutes later**

Can't believe Georgia was snogging that poxy Handbag Horse.

Thought she had changed. Obviously not!

**5:22 am**

Couldn't stay near the heartbreaking, red herring using, little tart.

Vati found me trashing the hotel.

'Son?' I was beyond angry.

'WHAT?' Vati frowned.

'Come for a walk.'

'NO!'

**3 minutes later**

Walking down the beach with Vati.

'What happened last night? You were off your head.'

'I DON'T... want to talk about it.' Vati sighed.

**28 minutes later**

Vati waited for me to calm down.

'Let's go back to bed.'

'No. I can't face it.'

**6:08 am, Mutti and Vati's Hotel Room**

Kipping on the sofa.

Couldn't face Georgia.

I hate her.

**7:02 am**

Packing to go home. Feeling sui-flipping-cidal.

Do the last eight months mean nothing to her?

They used meant something to me. They don't anymore.

Should have known it was too fab to be true.

**1 minute later**

Giving Georgia the cold shoulder. She doesn't know why.

I was so cross after see her on that balcony yesterday.

Mutti and Vati have a vair large bill from the hotel.

I smashed a window and tore up all the stupid flowers.

I'm still angry now.

**7:25 am**

I can't take it anymore.

I need to break something.

Preferable that Handbag Horse's face.

I ran out the room.

**4 minutes later**

'DAVE!' Georgia was following me.

'GOD DAMN IT WOMAN! LEAVE ME ALONE!'

'ONLY WHEN YOU TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG!'

What's wrong...? What's wrong?

You've been snogging that bloody Handbag Horse. That is what's wrong.

I saw the two of you out on that balcony.

Why did I ever think she'd change?

'YOU WON'T EVER CHANGE, WILL YOU?'

'WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT!'

'I SAW YOU GEORGIA! ON THE BALCONY YESTERDAY! WITH THAT BLOODY HANDBAG HORSE!'

**1 minute later**

Georgia froze in the middle of the lobby. Tears appeared in her eyes.

'Dave, I...' I interrupted.

'NO, GEORGIA! I'M NOT GIVING YOU ANOTHER CHANCE AT BREAKING MY HEART! WE'RE THROUGH!'

**9:18 am, On the Airplane**

Georgia is blubbering into Roxanne's shoulder.

I don't even care. Let the slut cry.

The stupid Handbag Horse can have her.

**1 minute later**

Vati sat in the seat next to me.

'Son? Did you and Gee have a fight?'

And the prize for stating the obvious goes to...

'I don't want to talk about it. She doesn't love me: that much is clear.'

'If she doesn't love you. Why is she so upset?'

**1 minute later**

Being totally immature. Have my fingers in my ears.

'La-la-la-la-la-la-la...'

No one is going to talk me around. I hate Georgia.

She's done nothing but break my heart.

**11:32 am, Home**

Waiting for the luggage.

The quicker it comes...

... The quicker we can drive home...

... And the quicker Georgia gets out of my sight.

**45 minutes later**

How hard is it to empty a plane of its luggage?

If the luggage doesn't come soon, I'm going to punch something.

**1 minute later**

Punched a wall.

**1:30 pm, A&E**

Vati sat next to me in A&E. Rebecca has taken Georgia home.

'A wall isn't exactly the best boxing opponent. They tend to know how to fight back.'

I didn't reply. 'Dave... Are you really not going to tell me? You used to tell me everything.'

**10 minutes later**

'... And so after eight months of dating. I find her snogging that bloody Handbag Horse. She's taken everything from me. My virginity, my heart and the last eight month of my life.'

Ouch. My hand really kind of hurts.

Vati frowned. 'Dave. I'm sorry. I know you really rated her.'

**1 minute later**

Don't know why I'm blubbering.

'I was sure she loved me. We always snogged. She cheated on Mas and Robbie for me.'

'Son... Sometimes people can't change old habits.' I wiped my eyes.

**5:12 pm, Home at Last**

Sitting on my bed.

Broken my hand. It's in a cast.

Staring at the pictures of Georgia and me.

I thought we were happy.

I know I was. Guess she wasn't.

**5 minutes later**

Rebecca came storming into the room.

'WHY DAVID?'

What is she talking about? 'What?'

'WHY BREAK GEE'S HEART LIKE THAT?' What?

My own sister... My own sister taking the side of that tart.

'SHE SNOGGED THAT HANDBAG HORSE!'

'HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?'

'REBECCA! I SAW HER!'

'YOU HAVEN'T EVEN HEARD HER SIDE OF THE STORY! YOU ALWAYS SAID MAS WAS A CREEP! YOU LOVE GEE! WE LOVE HER! SHE'S THE BEST GIRLFRIEND YOU'VE EVER HAD AND NO ONE... YOU HEAR ME DAVID! NO ONE WILL EVER REPLACE HER. THEY AREN'T MANY GIRLS OUT THERE THAT CAN TAKE YOU'RE STUPID-NESS! SOMETIMES I REALLY WISH YOU'D GROW UP!'

Grow up. Grow up. 'GROW UP! BUT THIS ISN'T MY FAULT!'

'KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT! BECAUSE I AIN'T GOING TO BELIEVE YOU!'

**3 minutes later**

The traitor has left. Talk about hormonal.

Just because they love Georgia... doesn't mean I have to put up with her.

I'm sick of her messing with my heart.

Saturday, 23 June

**8:45 am**

Woke up to find my bedroom covered in torn up photos.

**4 minutes later**

Mutti appeared in my bedroom with breakfast.

'Sweetie. I made breakfast.'

'I CAN SEE THAT!' Mutti frowned.

'Are you going to be able to manage?'

**1 minute later**

Apologised to Mutti.

Mutti sat cutting up my breakfast.

'How is my little boy this morning?'

I didn't reply. Mutti sighed.

'I'm sure Gee has an explanation.'

I laughed. 'Sure. She always has an explanation.'

'But you love her still. You wouldn't be cross if that wasn't true.'

Didn't reply. I wasn't in the mood to argue with Mutti.

**11:01 am**

Xbox is hard to master with one hand.

Fab. Rollo has just arrived.

**2 minutes later**

Rollo burst into my bedroom.

'Hey mate. How was Italy?'

He was using an le crappio Italian accent.

I huffed. 'Awful.' Rollo paused.

'What?'

**2 minutes later**

Told Rollo that Georgia and I were no longer dating.

He was shocked. I elbowed him in the ribs.

'You dumped Gee? Why?'

'I just don't love her anymore.' Rollo frowned.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... This boy is bipolar.

Rollo started to smile.

'We'll find you a hot rebound.'

Oh no. 'I don't want one.'

'Nope.' He popped the 'p'. 'We're finding you a rebound.'

**12:34 pm**

Rollo left. Treats this place like a hotel.

His gone to tell the rest of the Barmy Army that it's time to pick rebounds.

I hate blind dates. Can't I be happy and single.

_**A.N. Don't kill me. I had to have some sort of twist. Next chapter is Gee's POV of the last two days. I promise Dave the Unlaugh doesn't last forever. I also would like to apologise for my Italian in chapter four. If you wanted to translate using an internet translator, I'd use Google translate. It doesn't convert unless you turn the text to low case. If you were wondering how it should have read it should say...**_

_**Dave - Sex Kitten, my little lady of the night**_

_**Mas - Don't call her that.**_

_**Dave - Keep your handbag out of this.**_

_**Mas - What handbag? You talk about these handbags and it makes me so cross.**_

_**Dave - Simple... Some of us have ways with the ladies and others don't.**_

_**Anyway... Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'll update again as soon as possible. Love RoxannetheLaugh**_


	7. Beyond the valley of Loserville

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**7. Beyond the valley of Loserville**

Friday, 22 June

**1:15 pm**

Blubbered all the way back from Italy.

I have mousey mincers which are red an swollen.

I just want my dismal bed and to be left alone with the Rack of Love.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca drove me home.

'Gee. I'll speak to him.'

It's all moi's fault.

I didn't even want the Italian cakey.

I just wanted my Dave the Tart.

**5 minutes later, Home**

The Ace Gang are sitting on my wall with a banner.

_**WELCOME HOME KITTYKAT**_

Rebecca frowned. 'Would you like me to talk to them?'

I nodded. I didn't feel like talking.

**2 minutes later**

Climbed out Rebecca's Mini.

**1 minute later**

Being hugged by the Ace Gang.

I just blubbered even more.

**1 minute later**

Ran into my house.

Up to my bedroom.

Pushed my wardrobe in front of the door.

Climbed into my teletubby jimjams.

I want my Hornmeister back.

**1:36 pm**

The Ace Gang are at my bedroom door. 'Georgia. Let us in.'

Why don't they understand that moi and the Rack of Love wish to be left alone?

'Gee... like... err... what... like... I mean... happened?'

'Ja. Kittykat hasn't told us what happened.'

**5 minutes later**

The Ace Gang are sadly mistaken, if they think I'm letting them in.

**1 minute later**

RoRo's wearing her new bread and smoking her pipe.

How does moi know? Because I let them in.

**1:43 pm**

The Ace Gang want to know about Italy.

RoRo said I must spill the tuna from the primordial horn.

I do worry about her sometimes.

'Rebecca and Millie are preggers.'

See what I did there?

... Changed the subject, you loons.

'Georgia don't change the subject.' Damn.

Forgot that Wise Woman of the Forest was here.

'They're having twins.'

**1 minute later**

Jools biffed me over the head with a pillow. 'What about Dave?'

Tears sprung to my eyes when Jools mentioned his name.

**5 minutes later**

The Ace Gang left.

Jazzy was being naice.

'I'll come back later with midget gems.'

I smiled. 'Thanks Jas.'

We hugged... And I didn't even call Jas a lessie.

**4:14 pm**

Jas returned with midget gems.

We sat on my bed gossing.

Jas let moi eat most of the midget gems.

**3 minutes later**

I've missed so so much whilst away in Pizza-a-gogo land.

'He ate RoRo's beard?'

'Rosie had a spazattack.' Ooo. Poor Sven.

Almost feel sorry for the big Viking.

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Scale update!

Dec and Ellen hit number 10.

You shocked. Moi's inner goldfish is shocked.

'What happened?' I was vair vair full of curiosity.

'Ell dithered and dithered and dithered about it. We don't really know what happened.'

I laughed. I've missed the dither queen.

**4:38 pm**

Hmm... Po has returned to normalosity.

Her and Hunky found some newt poo near the pond.

'We think it's a new species of new...' I interrupted.

'Really Jas? Really... We must phone the media. Vole couple find exotic park dwelling newt.'

Jas wasn't vair impressed. 'What happened with Dave?'

**3 minutes later**

Threw Lord Sandra at Jas.

Sorry Lord Sandra.

You were the closest object.

'I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT HIM!'

'I only asked Gee.'

**4 minutes later**

Jas left. Back to the Rack of Love.

**6:32 pm**

Rebecca is here to check on me.

I was blubbering into my pillow.

**1 minute later**

B sat next to me. I hugged her.

Least I still have B and Millie.

**1 minute later**

B ran her fingers through my hair.

'How about I stay for dinner? I'll cook.'

I nodded. 'Will your parents mind?'

I laughed. My parents: actually cooking.

Rebecca raised her eyebrows at me.

Gadzooks... She looks like _him_ when she does that.

**4 minutes later, The Kitchen**

Thought Vati was going to have a nervy spaz when he found Rebecca cooking.

She smiled. 'Evening Mr. Nicolson. Georgia said you wouldn't mind if I cooked dinner.'

**1 minute later**

'Bob... What's that smell?' Mutti entered the kitchen.

'Evening Mrs. Nicolson. Georgia thought you deserved a break from cooking.'

Mutti smiled. 'Gee, darling. Who's this polite young lady?'

'Mutti... You remember Rebecca.'

'Oh yes: Richard and Jane's daughter. Of course. Would you like any help, Dear?'

'NO!' Both Vati and I spoke in sync.

It was so vair freaky deaky.

**1 minute later**

Mutti hit Vati. 'Bob! Don't be rude we have a guest.'

**6:57 pm**

Mutti leant against the kitchen top.

Rebecca was handling the situation vair well indeedio.

Hmmm... Are the Laugh's Nicolson-immuno?

'You have a very nice house Mrs. Nicolson.'

Mutti is still smiling. It's tres tres creepio.

'Thank you, but you may call me Connie, Dear... Your brother does.'

Rebecca glanced at me briefly.

I ignored the fact that my own Mutti had just mentioned _him_.

**3 minutes later**

Poor Rebecca is being grilled by Mutti.

I don't mean Mutti was stuffing B into the stove.

Sometimes I think you loons are in a permanent state of stupid brain.

I was merely explaining the manner in which Mutti is questioning B.

'Did you and Amelia used to swap places?' Rebecca laughed.

'Sometimes. It took Charles a whole year to figure out the differences.'

'Would Charles be that charming husband of yours?'

'Yes. He is visiting his father in London today.'

'And your sister?' Rebecca stirred the dinner.

'Erm... Millie is having a baby.'

'A baby. That's lovely.' I smiled.

'Yeah. Twins. I'm expecting too.'

**1 minute later**

Mutti congratulated Rebecca.

**2 minutes later**

'What's your opinion on Gee's elbows?'

Ohmygiddygod. Not moi's bloody elbows. Again!

Rebecca laughed. 'Connie. You realise I'm not qualified.'

'Could she have dislocated them playing hockey?'

Rebecca laughed. 'I doubt it.'

**1 minute later**

Rebecca's examining my elbows.

'Connie. Georgia's elbows are perfect.'

Thank you. B. Hear that Mutti. Perfect-a-mondo.

**7:23 pm, Sitting at the Dining Table**

Yum. Rebecca's cooking is tres delicious.

'Rebecca, Hun. This is amazing.'

'Thank you, Connie. I cook all the time at home.'

**1 minute later**

Think Mutti is in luuurve with Rebecca the Laugh.

**8:11 pm**

Walked down the garden path with B.

'I apologise for my parents.' Rebecca laughed.

'Don't. It was fun.' I raised my eyebrows.

'Mutti wants to adopt you. You should be scared.'

Rebecca laughed again. 'Get some sleep, Gee.'

**3 minutes later**

Watching B drive off in her Mini.

**8:20 pm, The Rack of Luuurve**

Phoning Dave.

**1 minute later**

It's ringing.

**1 minute later**

Answer machine. It's so vair naice to hear his voice.

'You have reached the Biscuit. I am currently unavailable. You know Kittykats to spank. Laughs to have. Please leave a message after the Pants. And I'll get back to you.'

**1 minute later**

Hung up.

**6 minutes later**

Phoning Dave. Again.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Dave picked up.

'Georgia. What do you want?'

'I'm sorry.'

'Sorry doesn't cut it this time. I've had enough.'

Dave hung up.

Saturday, 23 June

**8:34 am**

'GEORGIA, HUN! GET OUT OF BED!' Blubbering.

**2 minutes later**

Mutti came into my room. 'GEORGIA!'

'MUTTI! I'm having a crisis and you're not helping... Dave hates me. He doesn't even want to speak to me. I'm so beyond the valley of loserville, because of the poxy Handbag Horse.'

**1 minute later**

Mutti left.

**10:11 am**

What does Mas think he's doing?

**5 minutes later**

Opened the front door.

'Cara. You fine?' Fine. FINE!

I'll give you fine, Masimo Scarlotti.

'DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT AGAIN!.'

**1 minute later**

Punched Mas.

'Georgia!' Robbie appeared from somewhere.

He held moi back.

'GET OFF! Robbie... I've lost everything because of him.'

Tears came to my eyes. Robbie let go.

**1 minute later**

Slammed the front door and scampered back to my boudoir of sorrow.

**1 minute later, Looking Out My Bedroom Window**

Gadzooks... I made Mas' nose bleed.

_**A.N. Okay. Next Chapter. Hope you all enjoy it. I felt Mas deserved a duffing up. The next chapter is the blind date chapter. I'll be using a range of POV's from the Ace Gang and Barmy Army. You'll have to wait and see if any of the dates are successful. Hehe. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	8. Ohmygollygiddygod Multiple POVs

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**8. Ohmygollygiddygod...** **|Ace Gang and Barmy Army's POVs|**

_**Jas' POV**_

Sunday, 24 June

**7:30 pm**

One of Robbie's friends has agreed to take Gee out tonight.

It's so umber nice of him.

Gee is vair mis about Dave.

She won't tell me what happen in Italy.

... But Dave has dumped her.

It was probably her big red bottom with all the Italian blokes.

She's such a tart.

**5 minutes later, Gee's House**

I caught Gee snogging a picture of Dave.

'That's vair sad, Gee Gee.'

She gave me evils. 'What do you want?'

Her eyes are all mousey and swollen.

'I'm taking my best frwend to the pictures.'

'Jazzy... I told. I don't want to go.'

She's in her teletubby jimjams. I pulled her out of bed.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Gee set Angus on me.

Messed up my fringe. I spent hours straightening it.

**7:45 pm**

Dragged Gee out of bed.

Made her get dressed. I did her makeup.

She started, but she was too upset.

**8:15 pm, The Cinema**

I left Gee sitting in the foyer.

Told her I'd dropped something.

Really I went to look for Robbie's friend, Steve.

I can't see him yet.

**4 minutes later**

'Jas?' There he is.

Gadzooks... He's totally Gee's type.

**1 minute later**

Took Steve into the foyer. I pointed at Gee.

She had her hair over her face.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Gee looks like a clown. Her makeup as run.

'What clown girl? I don't really kiss clowns.' I hit Steve.

'She's not. She's just a little sad right now.'

'Oh...'

**8:30 pm**

Forced Steve to go talk to Gee.

He asked her if she was alright.

She nodded... And then he told her a joke.

Ooo... Bad idea.

**2 minutes later**

Gee burst into tears.

Steve slowly got up and left.

'Gee?' She didn't look at me and ran out of the cinema.

**1 minute later**

Well that didn't go to plan.

_**Rollo's POV**_

Sunday, 24 June

**6:03pm**

I've found Dave the perfect rebound.

Blonde... With the intelligence of a teaspoon.

And the biggest set of nunga-nungas.

They're bigger than Gee's.

**3 minutes later**

Attempting to bust open Dave's bedroom door.

'DAVID! LET ME IN!'

'ROLLAND! GO AWAY!'

I don't get why he's so upset.

He told me that he didn't love Gee anymore.

He won't talk about Italy, but him and Gee are through.

**4 minutes later**

I flew through the door when Dave opened in.

**1 minute later**

Climbed off the floor.

'Mate... I got you a rebound.'

Dave huffed. 'Really?'

I don't like Dave all that much when he's moody.

'Yeah, she's meeting you at the movies in half an hour. She has a fab set of nunga-nungas.'

**2 minutes later**

Dave threw a tube of hair gel at me.

'GET OUT!' Violent much.

'I'm only trying to help.'

'I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP.'

**2 minutes later, Out on the Street**

Now what do I do with the Blonde Bimbo?

Hmmm... I could always...

**1 minute later**

No. Jools would kill me.

_**Ellen's POV**_

Monday, 25 June

**3:01 pm**

I've like invited Gee to meet my cousin.

Rhys is hilarious.

... But he has a tres petite problem with dithering.

It's a tad annoying.

**4 minutes later**

Walking to Gee's house with Rhys.

'Is... Is she... well... like... Is... she... totally... like... erm... pretty?'

'Yes. She's had loads of boyfriends.'

**10 minutes later**

'B... But will... err... she... like... like... well... rate... I mean... me.'

'Not if you dither all over the place.'

'Ell... I... I'm... like nervous.'

**1 minute later, Gee's House**

Gee answered the door. 'Hey Ellen.'

'Someone is, err, like happier today.'

Georgia raised her eyebrows at Rhys.

'This is my cousin, err, Rhys.'

**4 minutes later, Gee's Bedroom**

Rhys is dithering again. Gee isn't helping matters.

She's making him nervous.

Dave was a vair bad influence on her.

**3:56 pm**

Gadzooks. Rhys asked Gee out. 'Gee... Georgia... Would... well... maybe... I thought... maybe you'd... well... we... could... like... err... go... for... a... I mean... coffee.'

Georgia glared at me. 'Ellen. May I have a word? In private.'

**1 minute later, Tarts Wardrobe**

Gee hugged me. 'Ohmygiddygod. Ellen... You're the normal one.'

'Well... Rhys gets nervous... like easily.'

'Ell's. He's the Dither Prince of Dither-a-gogo land.'

'Gee. That's, err, mean.' Georgia raised her eyebrows.

**4 minutes later, Gee's Bedroom**

Oh God... Georgia told Rhys she's a lesbian.

I've turn utterly red. 'Don't blame Ell. She didn't know.'

Gee winked at me. Christ bike.

'Gee. I... and, err, Rhys... yes... we've... gotta... well... get going.'

**1 minute later**

Dragging Rhys out of the Mad House.

_**Ed's POV**_

Monday, 25 June

**2:00 pm**

Dragged Dave out for lunch.

Rollo had been unsuccessful last night with his rebound choice.

My sister's best friend overheard our phone call last night.

She says she doesn't mind being Dave's rebound.

**1 minute later**

'Ed... I'm really not in the mood.'

We're sick of Dave the Grouch.

'What exactly happened in Italy?'

**2 minutes later**

Dave binned me. 'I told you guys. I don't want to talk about it.'

Hmmm... What could Gee have possible done to make Dave this mad?

**2:11 pm, Luigi's **

Janet is already here.

'Why is that Ginger Nob smiling at us?'

'Erm... She's waiting for her date.'

Dave's face fell. 'What?'

'Mate. Just give her a chance.'

**1 minute later**

Dragged Dave over to Janet.

'Dave this is Janet. Janet this is Dave.'

Dave smiled. 'Yo... Carrot-top.'

Fab. He picks now to be funny.

Janet doesn't look very impressed.

**5 minutes later**

It's tres tres horrific watching Dave with Janet.

My sister is going to kill me.

**2:23 pm**

Janet has gone to the Tart Wardrobe.

I threw a bread roll at Dave's head.

He threw it back. 'Ed, mate. Think you dropped this.'

I raised my eyebrows.

He raised his higher.

**3:24 pm**

Walking Janet home.

**12 minutes later**

Ouch. Janet slapped me.

**1 minute later**

Fab. Meeting Mabs in 20 minutes.

... And I have a chicks hand-print on my face.

Thanks a lot Dave.

_**Mabs' POV**_

Tuesday, 26 June

**2:23 pm**

Found someone totally marvy for Gee.

Ugo is Italian like Mas. And funny like Dave.

Utterly the best of both.

**1 minute later**

And Ugo is so vair gorgy.

**4 minutes later**

Walking to Gee's house with Ugo.

'What this Georgia like?'

'She's fab. Great sense of humour. The complete package.'

Ugo smile. 'She, how you say, heartbroken.'

'A little. Is that going to be a problem?'

Ugo shook his head. 'Non.'

**2:34 pm, Outside Gee's House**

Shouted through the letterbox.

'GEORGIA! OPEN UP! I HAVE A SURPRISE!'

**1 minute later**

Gee opened the door.

I smiled and introduced Ugo.

'Ugo. This is Georgia.'

'Georgia...' Ugo interrupted me.

'Ciao Cara. I be Ugo.'

**2 minutes later**

Blimey O'Reilly... Gee slapped Ugo.

And slammed the door in our faces.

'She not, how you say, rate me.'

_**RoRo's POV**_

Wednesday, 27 June

**3:01 pm**

Phoning Gee. 'Hello.'

'GEE! How is my dearest chum today?'

'Rosie. Do you need to shout?'

'OUI! The Viking Queen has sent dear Gee a prezzie.'

'Really?'

'Indeed. He'll be there soon, so put your face on.'

'A boy?'

'Gee thinks the Viking Queen to be divvy. Of course it's a bloke.'

'Name?'

'Alf.'

'Elf?'

'No... A-L-F. He's Sven older brother.'

**1 minute later**

Georgia screamed. 'ROSIE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!'

Awww... Is a good sign?

_**Tom's POV**_

Wednesday, 27 June

**2:00 pm**

Think Dave will rate Nikki.

She's really... well... a laugh.

And she's rather pretty.

**2 minute later, Dave's House**

Meeting Nikki at the aquarium in 35 minutes.

**1 minute later, Dave's Bedroom**

Dave is still in bed. Lazy much.

'Dave?' He threw his alarm clock at me.

**1 minute later**

Playing tug-of-war with Dave's duvet.

'DAVE! NIKKI WILL BE WAITING FOR US!'

'GO AWAY!'

'She's really pretty mate.'

'YOU GO ON THE DATE THEN!'

'I have a girlfriend.'

**1 minute later**

On the floor... Dave let go of the duvet.

Dave laughed. 'Mate. Nikki is really nice.'

**5 minutes later**

Finally persuaded Dave to give Nikki a chance.

**2:35 pm, The Aquarium**

Nikki is waiting for us.

She definitely Dave's type.

**1 minute later**

'Hey Tom. This Dave...? He's like thoroughly buff.'

Dave raised his eyebrows. Nikki blushed.

'Oops... Did I say that out loud?' Dave smiled.

'Kinda. We gonna look at this fish prison then?'

Nikki nodded. Dave took her hand.

Told you she was Dave's type.

**10 minutes later**

Nikki and Dave are getting on great.

Dave's being a fool. Nikki's laughing.

**3:46 pm**

I don't believe my eyes.

Dave slapped Nikki.

**2 minutes later**

Chasing Dave out of the aquarium. 'MATE!'

**1 minute later**

Dave stopped dead.

I ran into him. 'Why'd you slap her?' Dave glared at me.

'You know I'm heartbroken about _her_... And you set me up with a girl exactly like _her_.'

**1 minute later**

Dave ran off.

**1 minute later**

You know what? I think he's still in love with Georgia.

_**Jools' POV**_

Thursday, 28 June

**12:45 pm, Pizza Hut**

Ohmygollygiddygod...

The blind date I set up for Gee is so utterly gorgy.

**1 minute later**

Gosh. I sound like a right tart.

Hmmm... Wish I could.

No. Stop it Julia. Remember Rolland.

**12:59 pm**

Rollo has arrived. We're double dating.

Didn't see Rollo until he took my hand.

'Hey Beautiful.' I smiled. 'You smell good.'

Huh... I smell good?

Rolland worries me sometimes.

**2 minutes later**

Sat next to Rollo in the booth.

Rollo is sat next to gorgy Paul.

And Gee is sat the other side of Paul

**1 minute later**

Rollo place his hand on my thigh. Cheeky sod.

**45 minutes later**

Yum. The pizza is amazing.

Gee is looks mis.

She isn't really talking to Paul.

**1:48 pm**

Hmmm. Rollo and Paul are getting on fabbity.

Like a house on fire.

Without the house, nor the fire.

**5 minutes later**

Rollo jumped to his feet.

'This dude just touched my leg.'

Paul looked a little hurt.

I raised my eyebrows. 'Rollo, don't be a div.'

**1 minute later**

Watching Rollo climb out the booth.

**1 minute later**

He fell out.

Landed on his botty.

'Julia. I don't understand. You said you'd set me up.'

What? 'I did. Gee.' Paul laughed.

**4 minutes later**

Gadzooks... Paul's a homosexualist. Oopsie.

_**Dec's POV**_

Thursday, 28 June

**3:23 pm**

Knocking on Dave's front door.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca answered the door. 'Declan... It's so lovely to see you again.'

'Nrrrghh...' I hate Dave's sisters.

It's like I'm a utter moron around them.

Rebecca laughed. 'Dave?' I nodded.

Rebecca let me in. 'I warn you. He's not in a marvy mood.'

**1 minute later**

Standing outside Dave's bedroom.

**2 minutes later**

Opened the door. 'Dave... like... are... you... I mean... okay?'

Damn it. I spend far too much time with Ellen.

**1 minute later**

'DEC! GET OUT OF MY SIGHT!'

'NO!' Dave threw his computer mouse at me.

'I MEAN IT!'

'GET OVER YOURSELF! IF YOU DON'T LOVE HER! STOP BEING A GROUCH!'

Dave threw his keyboard at me. 'I DO LOVE HER! I'LL ALWAY LOVE HER!'

**2 minutes later**

Awww man... Dave's crying.

I sat next to him. 'What happened?'

'Rather not talk about it.'

'But...'

**3 minutes later**

Dave told me about Italy.

He had caught Georgia snogging Mas.

'I love Georgia, mate. I'm just fed up with her red bottom.'

**1 minute later**

Had nothing else to say to Dave.

What could I say?

_**A.N. Read it... Love it... Review it. Hope I've done the Ace Gang and Barmy Army justice. Hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Next chapter may be a little delayed. I'm back at university tomorrow. Next chapter will be Dave's POV. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


	9. Don't be silly, Bumble B Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**9. Don't be silly, Bumble B |Dave's POV|**

Friday, 29 June

**9:01 am, Living Room**

Rebecca is examining the X-Ray of the Biscuits hand.

'Mom... Are they sure Sweetie Pie's hand is broken? I can't see the fracture.'

**1 minute later**

Mutti entered the room. 'Don't be silly, Bumble B.'

**3 minutes later**

Mutti agrees with B.

The Biscuit's hand isn't broken.

**9:34 am, The Hospital**

Mutti's telling off a junior doctor.

The nurse-y is cutting off the poxy cast.

**1 minute later**

Feel sorry for the student doctor guy... He has to work for Mutti.

Mutti says Rebecca is already a better doctor than junior doctor guy.

**1 minute later**

Nurse-y is talking to the Biscuit.

'How did you manage this?'

Shrugged my shoulders. 'Punched a wall.'

Nurse-y didn't reply.

**10:26 am, Home**

The Voley One is sat on the Biscuit's garden wall.

If it's another set up, I'll kill him.

**5 minutes later, The Biscuit's Bedroom**

'Dave? We need to talk.'

Ooo... That doesn't sound very fab.

'You're a homosexualist and the Biscuit is to tough to resist.'

'What? No. About Georgia.' Arr...

**3 minutes later**

'You still love her.'

Hmmm. Is that a statement or a question?

The Biscuit doesn't really know himself.

It may be a statement, because it may be true.

'Dave... Is it true?'

**2 minutes later**

Do I love Georgia? I always have...

... Even with her big red botty.

'Dave! The Ace Gang are helping Gee find your replacement.'

My replacement. Another Hornmeister.

Why did that kind of hurt?

**1 minute later**

Rebecca appeared in my bedroom. 'I don't mean to snoop... But Gee didn't want to kiss Mas. He'd been forcing himself on her all week. She was just too scared to tell you, because she knew you'd be mad. She will always love you.'

**1 minute later**

Don't believe Rebecca.

I would really like to... but alas the Biscuit doesn't?

Rebecca raised her eyebrows at me.

I raised mine higher. 'David stop being a loon.'

Hmmm. Why does everything remind me of Georgia?

'She's right mate. Georgia punched Mas on Saturday.'

'And how would Mr. Voley know that?'

'Robbie told me. He gave Mas a ride to Gee's house.' Oh...

**3 minutes later**

Seems the Biscuit may have jumped to ye ole' conclusion.

... And now Kittykat's looking for replacements.

The Biscuit will punch that bloody Handbag Horse one of these days.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. The Biscuit doesn't punch girlies though.

Saturday, 30 June

**10:12 am**

Miss Kittykat. I miss Kittykat a lot.

Wonder if Kittykat misses the Biscuit.

**3 minutes later**

Phoning Rollo. Jools answered.

'Hello. Rollo is unavailable at the moment.'

I laughed. 'May the Biscuit enquire as to what the Cheeky Sod is up to?'

'Dave? Erm... He's in the wazzarium.'

**1 minute later**

Hmmm... Maybe I can ask about Kittykat?

'Julia. How's Georgia?' Jools seemed surprised.

'Err... She's fab. Think we sent her on a blind date today.'

**1 minute later**

Rollo took the phone off Jools before the Biscuit could speak.

'Hey Mate.'

'The Biscuit requires the Rolland's company.'

'... But I'm busy.'

'Rolland! Ditch your bitches and come to the Vati.'

Rollo laughed. 'Good to see Dave the Laugh is back.'

'Indeed... And he'll be chasing that Kittykat at the gig tomorrow.'

'What? Seriously?'

Why are people so surprise-able today?

'I know Radio Tom told you blokes.'

Rollo laughed. Again.

'He said something, but as per, I wasn't listening.'

I laughed. 'Look mate, don't tell dear Julia.'

'Wouldn't dream of it. I'll come over later.'

'Sure sure.'

**1 minute later**

Hung up on Rollo. Let Julia have him.

The Biscuit has many other friends

**10:39 am**

Tom's off gallivanting through a field somewhere with his Voley bride.

Dec dithers too much.

Sven is a Viking.

That's a good enough reason to stay away. Right?

Thought you'd agree.

And Edward... Isn't answering his poxy phone?

**5 minutes later**

Playing Scrabble with Rebecca and Charles.

I hate this game.

What kind of word is Ag-no-si-a?

'You're cheating.' Rebecca laughed.

'I'm not. Agnosia is a loss of ability to recognize objects, persons, sounds, shapes, or smells while the specific sense is not defective nor is there any significant memory loss.'

Hmmm... The Biscuit gives up.

**11:27 am**

Rebecca won Scrabble.

Her and the pompous prat are now playing Chess.

**2 minutes later, Kitchen**

'Mummy, I'm bored.' Mutti smiled.

'Is Mummy's little girl being too clever for Mummy's little boy?'

'Yes. Ag-no-si-a clever.'

'Agnosia?'

'That too.'

**1 minute later**

Mutti is teaching the Biscuit how to bake biscuits.

'You should cook Georgia a really nice meal when you're back together.'

Hmmm. That's if Kittykat didn't replace the Biscuit first.

**5:01 pm, The Biscuit's Bedroom**

Rollo has arrived. 'Hey Mate.'

He sat next to me. 'I have some news for you.'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Jools said I wasn't to tell you, but it'll cheer you up.'

'Proceed. The Biscuit is curious.' Rollo laughed.

'Georgia hates all her blind dates... Or she scares them away with her sad-osity.'

I smiled. 'You know Rolland... the Biscuit could snog you right now.'

Rollo edged away. 'It's alright mate. I'll pass.' We both laughed.

**5 minutes later, Playing Xbox**

Rollo is intrigued by the Biscuit's plan to get Kittykat back.

The Biscuit was also curious as to what plan his brain had formulated.

**1 minute later**

The Biscuit's brain is on strike.

Rollo laughed. 'You haven't got a clue?'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Of course the Biscuit does.'

'What?' Arr... Very clever Rolland.

'The Biscuit will find himself a decoy duck.'

Rollo laughed. 'A decoy duck? Really Dave?'

Alright... The Biscuit realises that this is a tres stupid plan.

Rollo shook his head. 'Just apologise.' Ooo... That may work.

Sunday, 1 July

**10:45 am, Bathroom**

Merde... The Biscuit has one eyebrow.

'REBECCA!' She appeared in the doorway.

'Morning Dave.'

**1 minute later**

Pointing at the Biscuit's missing eyebrow.

'What is this?' Rebecca laughed.

'That's Sweet Pie's noggin.'

I raised my remaining eyebrow.

I'm going to kill her.

**1 minute later**

Chasing Rebecca around the house.

'GET BACK HERE!' B ran into Charles' arms.

'Careful Hun. You should be resting.'

'YOU'RE POXY WIFE HAS SHAVED OFF THE BISCUIT'S EYEBROW!'

'It'll grow back, mate.' Stupid poncy Charles.

'THE BISCUIT IS SUPPOSED TO BE GOING OUT TONIGHT!'

Rebecca chuckled. The Biscuit glared at her.

'I HATE YOU!'

**5 minutes later, The Biscuit's Bedroom**

Someone's knocking on the Biscuit's door.

'Dave. I'm sorry.' It's B.

**11:01 am**

Rebecca is drawing the Biscuit a new eyebrow.

'Will Georgia be there tonight?'

'Yes. The Biscuit is going to beg for Kittykat's forgiveness.'

**7:34 pm**

Almost time for plan 'enticing Kittykat'.

Wish the Biscuit luck.

**7:45 pm**

The Barmy Army have arrived.

Rollo has noticed the Biscuit's eyebrow.

'Practicing shaving with Daddies razor, Davey?'

I raised my eyebrows. The Barmy Army laughed.

**3 minutes later**

Walking to the Buddha Lounge. Rollo is complaining.

'Why a nature retreat? We could be going Barcelona.'

The Barmy Army are going on holiday with the Ace Gang.

It was Jas' idea. Two weeks in the wilderness... Hehe.

The Biscuit isn't invited and neither is Kittykat, because we're currently single pringles.

Didn't really want to go anyway. Nature isn't the Biscuit's cup of tea.

In fact the Biscuit doesn't even like tea.

**7 minutes later**

Queuing outside the Buddha Lounge.

Rollo's still complaining.

**1 minute later**

The Ace Gang has arrived without Kittykat.

Jas greeted me. 'Evening Dave.'

'Where's Georgia?' Shouldn't have asked, but the Biscuit did.

'Theo's picking her up.' Theo? Who the flip is Theo?

**8:03 pm**

Theo and Gee arrived.

**1 minute later**

Theo makes Gee have her little moments.

... And everyone thinks he's a laugh.

He's very tall. Kittykat is even wearing heels.

**1 minute later**

I hate Theo.

He isn't right for Georgia.

_**A.N. Not much to say about this chapter. What will Dave do about the new Hornmeister? You'll have to wait and see... Hehe. Love RoxannetheLaugh x.**_


	10. Raw carrots dipped strawberry jam

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**10. Raw carrots dipped strawberry jam**

Sunday, 1 July

**8:28 pm, Buddha Lounge**

'Gee... Dave's staring at you.' I didn't look.

He wouldn't be staring at me, he hates me.

'Jools is right, Kittykat. The Hornmeister is staring.' I just kept dancing.

I didn't want to look at him.

It only made me sad because he's so vair gorgey.

... And I still really miss him vair much.

**1 minute later**

I can't hide the fact that I love Dave.

Jas caught me snogging one of the photos I have of the Hornmeister.

She said it was vair sad-osity.

I set Angus on her. He ate her naff fringe.

The Ace Gang have been trying to find moi a new Hornmeister.

I'm with one of my blind dates tonight.

His name is Theo.

He's vair loony: a little like Davey.

He reminds me of Dave.

There I go again.

GET OUT OF MY HEAD DAVID!

**8:43 pm**

Slow dancing with Theo. Dave is sitting by the bar.

Dave's wearing skinny jeans that give Kittykat the horn.

He looks vair marvy tonight.

**1 minute later**

I really miss Dave vair much.

**1 minute later**

'Georgia. Are you alright, Hun?' I smile.

'Yeah. I'm just kind of thirsty.'

Theo took moi over to a table.

'Wait here beautiful. I'll be right back.'

**2 minutes later**

Ekk... Dave just punched Theo in the face.

Why did Dave do that?

Theo was only getting moi a drink.

**1 minute later**

I ran over to the bar. 'DAVID! WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?'

Dave huffed. 'Theo... Are you okay?'

**5 minutes later**

Dave managed to break Theo's nose.

Tom took Theo to the hospital.

I turned to face Dave.

'WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING?'

'WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SUCH A TART?'

I slapped Dave. 'GROW UP!'

'MAKE ME!' And Dave snogged me.

**1 minute later**

I miss snogging Dave vair much.

Hmmm... Nip Libbling.

**9:19 pm**

Silence. Dave and I stared into each other's eyes.

Dave's eyes are tres tres marvy.

I turned bright red. 'What did you do that for?'

Dave shrugged his shoulders.

'The Biscuit isn't annoyed with Kittykat anymore.'

**4 minutes later**

Dave has asked to walk moi home. I agreed.

Not sure why because Dave did break moi's date's nose.

... But I'm sure thingy-ma-bob will be just fine.

**10:03 pm**

Walking home with Dave.

**1 minute later**

It's vair awkward fandango.

Dave looks vair un-laugh-ish.

Say something Georgia. 'I'm sorry Georgia.'

Ooo. That wasn't moi's voice. I looked at Dave.

'I should've let you explain.'

**1 minute later**

I took hold of Dave's hand.

'Thought you'd have gone back to the Handbag Horse after how I treated you.'

'Dave. I love you...' Dave raised his eyebrow.

What the flip? Why does Dave only have one eyebrow?

Dave laughed. 'The Biscuit's sister feels he's better looking with one eyebrow.'

Bugger... Did I really say that out loud?

'Dave you're such a loon.'

'Arr... But Sex Kitten has missed the Biscuit, no?'

I laughed. 'Yes. Vair much.'

'Hunky told the Biscuit that Kittykat had found herself another Hornmeister.'

Hmmm... I shall have to have words with Hunky.

'Davey, that be tres ridiculous. There's only one Hornmeister.'

**4 minutes later**

Push Dave into the phone box.

He laughed. 'Watch it Ki...'

I snogged Dave. Number 7.

**5 minutes later**

Standing in the phone box. Dave won't move.

'I love you, Georgia. I always will.'

Awww... 'Dave that's so cute.'

'And I mean it.' I flushed red.

**10:23 pm, My House**

'So...?' I felt my lips pucker automatically.

'Such a naughty Sex Kitten I have.'

'Kittykat has Specific Horn for the Hornmeister.'

Dave laughed and took hold of moi's hand.

Monday, 2 July

**4:00 am, My Bedroom**

Reached number 10 with Dave.

Kittykat is the Queen of Tarts...

Shame she doesn't give a hoot.

She's not an owl type person, you see.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzz...

**12:02 pm**

Dave has his arms wrapped around my waist.

I couldn't move. I didn't really want too.

**12:23 pm**

'Kittykat... Are you awake?'

'No.' I pulled the duvet over my head.

Dave sighed. 'Don't be a silly Kitty.'

He pulled the duvet off my head and leaned over moi.

**4 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**5 minutes later**

On the floor tangled in the duvet.

'Will the Hornmeister be Kittykat's girlfriend?'

Dave's hands are on moi's nunga-nungas.

'The Biscuit will have to consider his options.' Charming.

**1 minute later**

Giving Dave the cold shoulder.

'Awww... Sex Kitten. The Biscuit was just pulling ye ole' leg.'

Dave ran his fingers through moi's hair and snogged me.

Number 6 with nip libbling.

**12:39 pm**

I've gone utterly jelliod. Dave laughed.

'Put Kittykat back in bed, shall we?'

'Nrrrghh.' Damn Dave... and his fabbity snogging skills.

'The Biscuit is popping out, but Kittykat needs to be dress for when he returns.'

'Nrrrghh.' Dave laughed and kissed moi on the forehead.

**1 minute later**

Why does the Hornmeister have to go?

Why does Kittykat have to get dressed?

Kittykat was perfectly happy in nuddy-pants with her Hornmeister.

**15 minutes later**

Getting dressed. What to wear?

Cute floral skirt. Or denim shorts.

**1 minute later**

In front of the mirror, wearing my shorts.

Hmmm. They do make my botty look rather humongous.

**1 minute later**

Wearing my floral skirt.

No... My shorts.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. This could take a while.

Wonder how long Dave will be.

**1 minute later**

Wearing my floral skirt again.

**1:21 pm**

Dave is back with a picnic basket.

I'm standing in my undercrackers.

'Why is Kittykat not ready?'

**2 minutes later**

Dave choose moi an outfit straight away.

My old orange polka-dot playsuit.

'Really Dave? That old thing.'

Dave raised his eyebrow. 'It's the Hornmeister's favourite.'

I raised my eyebrows higher. 'Really?' Dave nodded.

**2 minutes later**

Quick bit of makeup: mascara, eyeliner, foundation, eye shadow and lippy.

Pack my handbag... House keys, sun cream, emergency lippy, purse and mobile.

Big floppy sun hat on moi's head.

Gladiator sandals on moi's feet.

**1 minute later**

Dave raised his eyebrow.

'The Biscuit will never understand the ladeez.'

'Ready.' Dave laughed.

**1:43 pm**

Walking to the park. Holding the Biscuit's hand.

**5 minutes later, The Park**

The picnic is vair yummy scrummy.

**2:12 pm**

Sunbathing in the park with my head on Dave's lap.

The Biscuit is stroking Kittykat's arm.

This picnic was a fab fabbity idea.

'Kittykat is so gorgy.' I smiled and opened one eye.

Dave snogged me. Number 6.

**2:49 pm**

Gadzooks... A text from that dear Mutti of mine.

_Georgia. We've taken Libs to seaside. Won't be back til Friday. Don't trash the house. Mum._

Fab fabbity. House to myself.

**1 minute later**

Walking back to Dave's House.

**10 minutes later, Dave's Kitchen**

Hmmm. Rebecca's eating raw carrots dipped in strawberry jam.

'Sweetie Pie. Mom's looking for you... Hey Gee. He apologised then?'

I sat opposite Rebecca. 'Yes.' Rebecca offered me a carrot stick.

'Sweetie Pie thinks I'm gross, but my babies seem to like it.'

Awww... Being preggers has given B the munchies for odd food.

'It's totally wierdiosity.' B laughed.

**3 minutes later**

Dave returned. He looked like he was about to have a nervy b.

'What has the Hornmeister's knickers in a twist?'

**1 minute later**

Dave sat next to moi. Helping himself to one of B's carrot sticks.

'Mutti has a surprise for Kittykat and the Hornmeister.'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Why is that so terrible?'

'Arr... Kittykat has much to learn.' B and Dave both laughed.

_**A.N. Yay... Kittykat and the Hornmeister are totally a couple again. Hope you loved this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh x.**_


	11. HELP! KITTYKAT IS AFTER THE BISCUIT'S

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**11. HELP! KITTYKAT IS AFTER THE BISCUIT'S PANTS!**

**3:00 pm**

Call-me-Jane's big surprise was a two week Relationship Refresher Retreat.

**1 minute later**

Flicking through the brochures that Jane gave us.

The retreat looked tres tres marvy.

Two whole weeks with the Hornmeister was definitely enough to entice moi.

I wasn't even having a nervy b. about the unusual (Ooo-err) activities in the retreat.

**1 minute later**

Dave doesn't think Kittykat and the Hornmeister need their relationship refreshing.

He's bickering with call-me-Jane.

'The Biscuit and his camel don't need a shrink.'

The downside to the retreat was the counselling sessions.

Jane says that the Hornmeister and Kittykat need to talk about Italy.

'Pookie... Don't be so bloody stubborn. I'm not sending you to see a shrink.'

'The Biscuit isn't going.' Rebecca smirked.

**3 minutes later**

Dave is being childish. Call-me-Jane has left the kitchen.

Rebecca is smiling, like a smiley thing, on smiling tablets.

'Sweetie Pie, I'm borrowing Georgia?'

The Hornmeister looked at his sister.

'Sure... Just make sure Kittykat is returned with both eyebrows.'

Rebecca laughed: moi was vair vair scared.

Kittykat is rather attached to her eyebrows.

**3:12 pm**

Walking upstairs. 'B, where are we going?'

'I didn't think Dave would like the retreat idea, so I've come up with a little something to persuade him.'

'And that involves Kittykat?'

Rebecca laughed. 'You'll see.'

**4 minutes later, Rebecca's Bedroom**

Rebecca is doing moi's hair and makeup.

'I am right in thinking Kittykat would like to go on the retreat.'

Kittykat wasn't sure what she wanted.

Her big red bottom just wanted the Hornmeister to itself for two weeks.

... But her brain was on the Hornmeister's wavelength.

It's not an easy-peasy wavelength to find, but moi's brain had found it.

Would it be an awkward fandango to talk about our mushy feelings? Hmmm.

**3:21 pm**

I would vair much like to know how the Hornmeister really felt.

And I wanted the Hornmeister to know the whole fandango.

The retreat would be a laugh. I wanted my Mr. Laugh back.

'You think this plan will persuade Dave.'

Rebecca laughed. 'Definitely.'

**3:40 pm**

Gadzooks. B has turned Kittykat into... well... a Kittykat.

Moi have Kittykat ears and eyes and whiskers.

'B? How is this going to make Dave change his mind?'

Rebecca smirked. 'I'm not finished yet.'

**1 minute later**

B is looking through her wardrobe.

I'm not sure if I want to know what she's looking for.

**3:48 pm**

'Found it.' She backed away from the wardrobe.

Christ on a bike! B was holding a black lingerie set.

It has a tail attached to it. 'Kittykat's tail.'

Moi turned into a giant red loon.

'I... I... like... erm... what I mean... is like... I can't... err... wear... that.'

Rebecca laughed. 'Come on. It'll be a laugh.'

I raised my eyebrows. Rebecca raised hers higher.

**4:10 pm**

Wearing the lingerie set.

Can't believe B persuaded moi to do this.

**1 minute later**

B's taking photos of moi. 'Smile Kittykat.'

Giving B death glares.

She laughed. 'You look purr-fect.'

**3 minute later**

Bending over in front of B's full length mirror.

B has gone to fetch the Hornmeister.

Hmmm. Must ask B to do my hair more often.

It is tres tres fabulous.

I even quite like the Kittykat ears and makeup.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister pulled my tail. 'Sex Kitten?' Cheeky sod.

I didn't even realise that he was in the room.

**4:16 pm**

Biffed the Hornmeister on the arm. He laughed.

'My Sex Kitten is such a sexy little minx.'

'And the Biscuit is vair rudey dudey.'

Dave winked at me and took hold of my hand.

He lead me into his bedroom. Ooo-err.

It wasn't like that you fules.

**1 minute later**

Sat on the Davey's lap. Davey is playing with Kittykat's tail.

'Has the Biscuit ever told Kittykat, why she is called Kittykat?'

'Nope.' I popped the 'p'. Dave smiled.

Dave has such a gorgy-porgy smile.

It's one of those smile, you know, with uber cute dimples.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. The Hornmeister seems to be struggling with his words.

'Arrr...' I ran my fingers through Davey's hair.

Dave flushed a little red, but not in a loon-ish way.

He still looked beyond marvy.

'You don't have to tell moi.'

'But the Biscuit wants too.'

**4:32 pm**

The Hornmeister agreed to the relationship refreshers retreat.

Jane said she'd speak to moi's parents. We leave next week.

Dave said he'd tell moi about her nickname then.

**1 minute later**

The Biscuit changed topic. 'Is Sex Kitten attending Robbie's shindig tomorrow?'

I raised my eyebrows. Robbie is having a party?

Why did no one tell Kittykat?

Dave raised his eyebrow higher and laughed.

'Maybe Robbie didn't invite Kittykat, because the Biscuit is going and the Handbag Horse will be there.'

I've turned goldfish. Dave and Mas in the same room was a tres tres horrific idea.

Dave laughed again. 'Don't fret, Sex Kitten. The Biscuit won't duff up the Handbag Horse. The Biscuit will have his Kittykat by his side.'

Oh no... Why can I see fisticuffs?

**2 minutes later**

Going to Robbie's party as Dave's date.

It's fancy dress. The Hornmeister insist that I go dressed as Kittykat.

'Dave, I can't.' The Hornmeister is pouting at moi.

'But Sex Kitten is beee-autiful.'

**1 minute later**

B is going to sew the Kittykat tail onto a little black dress.

Unfortunately moi will be wearing the lingerie under this dress.

The Hornmeister gave moi the cold shoulder.

He is such a vair stubborn prat.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. You can see the top of the tights and the beginning of the suspenders beneath the dress.

I look like such a tart. 'Kittykat is vair pleasing to the Biscuit's mincers.'

'The Biscuit is a cheeky sod.' Dave just winked at moi.

**6:01 pm**

Dave invited moi to stay the night.

B took me home to pick up a night bag.

'I swear, I didn't know about the party.'

'It's fine, B... least my nickname isn't stuffed olive.'

B laughed. She obviously didn't know about the stuffed olive.

'Dave agreed to the retreat though.' I nodded.

'Yep.' I didn't really believe that B's plan had worked.

**6:24 pm, Back at the Laugh Household**

Richard is home from work.

He raised his eyebrows when he saw moi.

'And what are you supposed to be?' Huh?

**1 minute later**

Bugger. I'm still wearing my Kittykat makeup.

Dave and B laughed.

'Come on Gee. We'll get rid of the whiskers.'

B took me upstairs to fix my makeup.

**6:39 pm**

No more Kittykat whiskers.

Sat down at the dining table next to Dave.

Jane has cooked dinner like a normal Mutti.

'It looks amazing, Hun.' Richard started to dish up.

Jane has cooked the Laugh families meatball casserole.

It looks utterly fab.

**1 minute later**

The casserole is delicious. 'Jane, this is flipping fabbity.'

Jane smiled. 'Thank you, Georgia.' Richard spoke.

'You kids are back together then, seeing as Dave didn't come home on Sunday.'

I turned into a humongous red loon. Richard laughed.

'Tom tried to cover for you, mate... But your mother caught him at the hospital.'

Dave spoke. 'The Biscuit was Cat Patrol.'

'Good to see my son is so faithful. I wasn't at his age.'

'Erlack... Way too much information for the Biscuit's fragile mind.'

**1 minute later**

Call-me-Jane interrupted the conversation.

'Hun, can we talk about something else? You're embarrassing Georgia.'

I flushed a deep shade of red. 'Yeah, alright. How was your day at work?'

'That patient with pericarditis came in for a pericardiectomy today. I wasn't really looking forward to the opt. I was hoping surgery wouldn't be necessary but it the pericarditis had started to become constrictive. It's a real shame to be cutting the patient open again.'

**6 minutes later**

Rebecca was now asking really complex medical questions.

Dave whispered to moi. 'Kittykat.'

'Hornmeister.' Dave smiled.

**7:12 pm, Dave's Bedroom**

Looking through Dave's many photo albums.

They're identical albums to moi's.

Full of lots of photos of Kittykat and the Hornmeister.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. Dave has a surprise for moi.

**4 minutes later**

Awww. It's the wedding picture Mills had done of us.

It's uber fab. 'Kittykat can keep this copy.'

'Really?'

Dave nodded. 'Yep.'

**7:23 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

And nip libbling. Nrrrghh.

Tuesday, 3 July

**9:12 am**

Marvy night with Mr. Laugh.

Kittykat is still vair sleepy.

**1 minute later**

Zzzzz...

**1:05 pm**

Gadzooks. Is that really the time?

I heard Dave laugh. 'Afternoon Kittykat.'

The Hornmeister sounded sleepy.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister put his arms around moi.

'Did Sex Kitten sleep well?' I smiled.

'Yes. What about the Hornmeister?'

'Arrr... The Hornmeister always sleeps well with Kittykat's botty next to him.'

I raised my eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher.

'Stop being a loon and snog me.'

'Cheeky minx.'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging Dave. Number 8.

**3:22 pm**

Dave's costume for Robbie's party is Superman.

Hehe... The Biscuit is wearing tights. 'Naice tights.'

'Sex Kitten shouldn't be looking at the Biscuit's tights.'

**4:00 pm, Robbie's Party**

We haven't told the Ace Gang or Barmy Army that we're back together.

B dropped the Hornmeister and moi off in her little black mini.

Robbie caught Dave opening the car door for moi.

Robbie raised his eyebrows.

Dave offered moi his hand.

**1 minute later**

Climbing out the car. 'Georgia!'

Robbie looked vair much full of confusiosity.

'The Biscuit is allowed to bring a date, no.'

'Err... Yeah. Sure mate.'

**1 minute later**

Hang on one minute... Why the flip is Robbie not in fancy dress?

**4:03 pm**

Glaring at the Hornmeister.

How dare he tell Kittykat that it's fancy dress?

Dave has noticed Kittykat's death glares.

'Oops... Hornmeister away.'

**1 minute later**

Dave ran off into Robbie's house. I ran after him.

'DAVID! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!' Robbie laughed.

**4:09 pm**

Ran through the house chasing the Hornmeister.

'HELP! KITTYKAT IS AFTER THE BISCUIT'S PANTS!'

The Barmy Army all laughed.

The Ace Gang had turned goldfish.

**5 minutes later**

The Hornmeister has escaped.

Emergency Ace Gang meeting. 'Gadzooks Gee!'

'Mabs... I case you can't tell Kittykat isn't finding this vair funny.'

'What happened?' I sighed.

'Dave walked me home. Erm... We're official horn partners again.'

RoRo is wearing her beard. 'Arr, but why Kittykat be a Kittykat?'

'Dave told moi the party was fancy dress.' Jools laughed.

'And you believed him, you're such a loon.'

Hmmm. Jools had a vair good point.

'Georgia, isn't this costume a bit tart-ish?'

'Are you calling moi a tart?'

Jas started flicking her fringe.

'No. But... like... you can see your suspenders.'

'Why you looking lessie?' Jas turned beetroot.

**4:26 pm**

The Biscuit has ditched his tights and is wearing a pair of jeans.

He's coming this way. I walked off.

**3 minute later**

Robbie found moi hiding in the kitchen.

'Gee, the parties in the living room.'

'Indeed.' Robbie walked over to stand next to moi.

'Dave didn't mean to upset you.' I laughed.

'Me, upset?' Robbie laughed too.

'Okay. A little more than upset, but you know what Dave's like.'

'Definitely and the problem is that I love him.'

'Yeah. You've always been a bit of a loon.'

**1 minute later**

I hit Robbie. We both laughed like loons.

Dave walked into the kitchen.

'What you cool cats laughing about?'

I stopped laughing and walked out the kitchen.

Dave followed me. I ignored him.

**4:38 pm**

Giving Dave the cold shoulder.

Dave's pouting at moi. 'I sorry Kitty.'

A small smile appeared on my lips.

Dave smiled. 'Kittykat smiling.'

'Am not.'

'You are.'

'Aren't.'

'Are.'

'Aren't.'

'Are.'

'Aren't.'

**1 minute later**

The Biscuit snogged moi. Number 6.

**4:50 pm**

Can't stay mad with the Hornmeister.

'Kittykat dance with the Biscuit?'

'Sure Dave.'

**1 minute later**

Dancing with Dave.

Mas is giving Dave death glares, but the Biscuit doesn't seem to care.

I have also noticed that Emma is here. Emma looks kinda miffed.

**5:28 pm**

Blimey. Dancing is sure thirsty work.

'Dave, Kittykat needs a drink.'

'Okay. Hurry back, Sex Kitten.'

**1 minute later**

Walked into the kitchen to get a drink.

Found RoRo making out with Sven.

Not a naice picture.

**1 minute later**

Got a glass of water.

**3 minutes later, Back in the Party**

Found Emma using sticky eyes on Dave.

I walked up behind the Hornmeister (Ooo-err) and covered his mincers.

Dave laughed. 'Is that my Sex Kitten?'

'No.' Emma is give me death glares.

'It sounds like Sex Kitten.' The Hornmeister reached out behind us...

... And touched moi's bum. 'Feels like Sex Kitten too.'

**1 minute later**

Biffed Dave in the stomach.

Emma turned all huffy-knickers and walked off.

'Ooo. The Hornmeister's upset Emma.'

Dave raised his eyebrow.

'She was acting vair strange.' I laughed. 'What?'

'Emma still rates the Hornmeister.'

'Nah... That's wubbish.' Hmmm.

_**A.N. Gadzook... It's been a while. I hope this chapter makes up for my absence and that you all love it. I will update again when I get the time to write. That or when I should be doing work but can't be bothered : ). Again hope you love this chapter. Love RoxannetheLaugh x.**_


	12. Nrrrghh Night Hornmeister

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**12. Nrrrghh-night Hornmeister**

**11:12 pm**

The Laugh Residence is vair vair quiet. Uber creepiosity.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister checked the Laugh's voicemail.

'1 new message. To hear this message press 1.' Dave pressed 1.

'Hey Pookie. We're staying at Charles' parents house tonight. We'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Behave yourself, don't trash the house or blow up the washing machine. And if Gee's around, remember to use protection: there's a spare packet in your father's drawer if you've run out.'

Gadzooks... I turned into a giant red loon.

Dave laughed. 'Awww Sex Kitten... You luuurve it really.'

**2 minutes later**

A cheeky grin has appeared on the Hornmeister's face.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... The Hornmeister turned the lights off.

'The Biscuit shall give Kittykat ten seconds to hide.'

'What?' Dave laughed.

'One... Two...'

**15 seconds later**

Hiding from the Hornmeister.

I heard Dave laughing. 'Kittykat?'

I didn't speak. 'Kittykat... The Biscuit knows that you're in the closet.' Bugger...

How, in the name of Lord Sandra's bellbottoms, did the Hornmeister know where Kittykat was?

**2 minutes later**

I screamed when the Hornmeister opened the closet.

The Hornmeister is now chasing Kittykat around the house.

Kittykat cleverly escaped from the Hornmeister's arms.

**1 minute later**

Ekk... I forgot that the Biscuit is so vair fast.

Dave threw moi over his shoulder and carried moi upstairs.

'Naughty Kittykat. Running from the Biscuit.' I laughed.

'The Biscuit should keep a better hold on Kittykat.'

**11:39 pm, The Hornmeister's Bedroom**

Dave threw moi onto the bed. 'Nowhere to hide Kittykat.'

I wrapped my arm around the Hornmeister's neck.

'Kittykat doesn't want to hide.' And pulled Dave in for a snog.

**11:48 pm**

Snogging Dave. Number 5 and climbing.

Hmmm. Nip libbling.

**1 minute later**

Nrrrghh... Seems my horn partner is aiming for double digits.

**12:17 am**

Under the duvet in my nuddy-pants.

The Hornmeister ran his fingers down moi's back.

'Love you, Kittykat. Nu-night.'

'Nrrrghh-night Hornmeister.' Dave laughed.

Wednesday, 4 July

**11:42 am**

Gadzooks... I didn't take my makeup off last night.

I look like some sort of loony clown.

**1 minute later**

Yay. Rebecca left moi some makeup wipes and a note.

_Morning Panda Bear. Have fun last night ;) I thought you'd need some makeup wipes. Love B._

I removed my smudged makeup, the Kittykat ears and brushed my hair through.

**12:03 pm**

Wondered down to the kitchen wearing moi's jimjams.

Rebecca is sitting at the breakfast table with Charles.

'Morning Georgia.' I sat down next to B.

My stomach rumbled. Naughty stomach.

Rebecca laughed. 'Char, can you get Gee some brunch?'

'Sure. What do you want Georgia?'

'Erm... Whatever there is?' Charles smiled.

**1 minute later**

Rebecca is going through her mail.

She pushed an envelope under my conk.

'Millie's honeymoon photo's. She's coming home Saturday.'

I smiled and removed the photo's from the envelope.

**5 minutes later**

Wow. Millie already has a bump. Rebecca laughed.

'Mill's very maternal with her bump.' I smiled.

Charles interrupted. 'You'll have a bump soon.' Rebecca blushed.

**12:23 pm**

Charles has cooked moi an omelette.

It's uber marvy. Vair yummy.

'Gee...'

'Rebecca...' Rebecca smiled.

'You spend too much time with Sweetie Pie.'

I raised my eyebrows. Rebecca raised her eyebrow's higher.

I tried to go higher, but Rebecca laughed again.

'Stop it, you loon. That wasn't what I wanted to tell you.'

I continued to eat my scrummy omelette. 'I'll be in maternity clothes soon... And there's a whole wardrobe upstairs of clothes. I was thinking that maybe you'd like to borrow them sometime. It's not like I can wear them. We're the same size, so they'll fit you.'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Choking on my omelette.

Rebecca laughed. 'I guess that's yes.' I took a gulp of water.

Rebecca wanted moi to borrow her clothes.

... But her clothes are so vair marvy.

'Gee. You okay?' I love Rebecca the Laugh.

**1 minute later**

Hugging Rebecca.

**1:04 pm**

The Hornmeister is finally awake. Such lazy-osity.

He wondered into Rebecca's bedroom, where moi is raiding B's wardrobe.

The Hornmeister raised his eyebrows at B.

'Why is you stealing my girlfriend again?'

'Aww... Gee loves B more that Sweetie Pie.'

'Never.' Rebecca laughed.

'Sit. Georgia needs an male opinion on the clothes that she's going to borrow.'

**3:25 pm**

Fabbity afternoon trying on Rebecca the Laugh's clothes.

I've borrowed a few tops, a dress and heels.

The Hornmeister walked moi home.

Dave has a footie game tomorrow.

**2 minutes later, Sat on my Garden Wall**

Snogging the living day-lights out of the Hornmeister.

Number 6... and nip libbling.

**3:35 pm**

Ekk... I fell backward off the garden wall.

'PANTS!' Dave jumped over the wall. 'Kittykat, are you okay?'

'Think I've broken my bum-oley, again.'

The Hornmeister scooped moi off the floor.

'Sorry, Kitty. The Hornmeister got carried away.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Again. Number 5.

**3:49 pm**

'The Hornmeister will catch you later Sex Kitten.'

Dave walked off down the street.

**4:15pm**

Phone is ringing.

It's Jas. 'Hey Gee, it's me.'

'Who?'

'Jas.'

'Oh... Hey Jas.'

'The Ace Gang are going shopping tomorrow.'

'Fab.'

'9 o'clock by the clock tower. Don't be late.'

'Jazzy, you hurt Kittykat's feelings.'

'Gee. We all know you're time keeping skills are pants.'

Hehe. Pants. 'Pants are they?'

'Yes. 9 o'clock: don't be late.'

**1 minute later**

Jazzy hung up. How rude.

Thursday, 5 July

**8:39 am**

Meeting the Ace Gang by the clock tower at 9:00.

I have ten minutes to do my hair and makeup.

Going with a o'natural look.

Bit of lippy, a simple foundations, mascara, eyeliner and bronzy eye shadow.

My hair just needs brushing through. It's still full of bounciosity from yesterday.

**8:45 am**

Running to the clock tower. I'm going to be late.

I'm wearing the gorgy dress that I've borrowed from B.

I luuurve being an honorary Laugh.

**9:04 am**

Reached the clock tower.

The Ace Gang are already here.

'Georgia! You're late!'

'It's nice to see you too, Jas.'

Jools interrupted. 'Is that dress new?'

'Non, mon bestest pally. It's Rebecca the Laugh's.'

'Why Kittykat be wearing it?'

'Because B is preggers. She said I could borrow her clothes.'

**18 minutes later, Luigi's**

Gossing about the Barmy Army.

'So Ell-zee... Radio Jazzy here told moi about the numero dieci incident with Dec.'

Ellen flushed bright red. 'Well... err... we... like, I mean... it... err...'

'Gadzooks Ellen. We've all been there.'

Jas glanced at me. 'Some more than others.'

'What does that mean?'

RoRo interrupted. 'Arr Kittykat is le minx.'

'Am not!' The Ace Gang laughed.

**9:24 am**

Humph... Text from Dave.

_Sex Kitten, you little minx. Text me back when you get this. Dave x._

Jools stole my mobile. 'Ooo-err Kittykat.'

'What's it say?'

'Sexting. He wants Gee to text back.'

**1 minute later**

Snatched moi's mobile off Jools.

_You're in big trouble when I see you. I'm trying not to be a tart. Gee x._

**6 minutes later**

Dave texted back.

_Oh Kittykat... you're such good value. Is Kittykat free tomorrow? Oh and you're my tart, don't you forget that. Dave x._

_Kittykat will have to check her diary. Gee x._

_Such a tart, but I love her. xxx._

_The Biscuit's in luck: Kittykat is free. What's the plan? xxx._

_I'll pick Kittykat up at 7pm. xxx._

**10:01 am**

Blimey O'Reilly... The Ace Gang are going on holiday with the Barmy Army.

Hmmm. A nature retreat. How unromantical.

'You're taking them on a nature retreat. Who's idea was that?'

The Ace Gang all glared at Jazzy. I laughed.

'It'll be fun... Gee and Dave can come now they're together again.'

'We'll pass, Jas.' Jools laughed.

Jas huffed and started to play with her fringe.

**20 minutes later, Shopping**

Wondering around Topshop.

Jools and I are looking for shorts.

'Rollo isn't looking forward to the nature retreat.'

'Yeah. I'll ask Dave, but I don't think he'll want to go.'

'You won't have long to persuade him. We leave Tuesday.'

Ooo... Yes. Can't go. Dave and I are on our relationship retreat.

'Prefect. Dave and I are busy next week.'

Jools raised her eyebrows. 'Really?'

'Jane is sending us on a relationship retreat.' Jools laughed.

'Ooo-err. Sounds fun. I'm so full of envy-osity.'

**1 minute later**

Jools told the Ace Gang about the relationship retreat.

The wise woman for the forest thinks I'm a tart.

The rest of the Ace Gang thinks the relationship retreat will be a laugh.

'What will the Hornmeister do with so much Kittykat time?'

Mabs chipped into RoRo's rudey dudey comment with a 'Ooo-err'.

They all laughed. Moi was slowly turning into a red loon.

'Well... What... I mean... like do... you kinda like... do... on... like... a relationship... retreat.'

'Couple-y type activities. There's a massage session... and yoga.'

Jools spoke next. 'You should buy new undies.'

'What?' RoRo nudged moi.

'Arr... We know the Hornmeister and Kittykat well.'

I turned goldfish. 'Rosie! I'm not a common tart.' Jazzy Spazzy huffed.

**1:12 pm, Walking Home**

Giving ole' fringy knickers the cold shoulder.

If I'm a tart, then Jazzy is no longer my bestest pally.

Linked arms with RoRo. We skipped off down the street.

**2:04 pm, Home Sweet Home**

The Swiss Family Loons return tomorrow.

I should do something to commemorate my final night of peace.

**25 minutes later**

Soaking in the bath tub.

May have added too much bubbly bath.

I'll clean up later.

**15 minute later**

SPLASH! GORDY!

_**A.N. Couple of filler chapters to lead nicely onto Dave and Gee's big couples retreat. I have quite a few ideas for the retreat and I'm eager to start writing about it. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. I'm hoping to get the next chapter written soon, but until then enjoy this chapter and review if you like. Love RoxannetheLaugh x.**_


	13. Vati will come take the  Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**13. Vati will come take the Biscuit's trouser snake |Dave's POV|**

Friday, 6 July

**6:54 pm**

Walking to Kittykat's house.

The Biscuit is taking Kittykat out...

Err ... to the roller-skating rink.

B suggested the idea. B thinks it's romantical.

The Biscuit thinks it sounds like a laugh.

**4 minute later, Kittykat's House aka. Loon Central**

Rang the doorbell.

The Biscuit bets Kittykat isn't ready.

Kittykat is never ready for the Biscuit.

The Biscuit will ever understand zee ladeez.

**7:02 pm**

Connie answered the front door.

'Dave!' Ekk... Mustn't look at Connie's basoomas.

'E-Evening Connie. I-I'm supposed to be p-picking Georgia up. Is she ready?'

Fab. I sound like a prat. Connie laughed.

'Come in. Come in, Hun. Georgia's still fanny-ing about upstairs.'

Marvy... Connie is using sticky eyes.

**1 minute later**

Connie's leaning against the living room doorframe.

'You haven't been around in a while.'

'Err... Yep. Gee and I had a small misunderstanding.'

**5 minutes later**

Connie is flirting with the Biscuit.

My mincers are everywhere but Connie's basoomas.

I don't want Kittykat to have a f.t.

Kittykat will give the Biscuit ye ole' cold shoulder.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... What is taking Sex Kitten so long?

**7:15 pm**

Kittykat finally walked down the st... Phwoar.

Sex Kitten is beeautiful. Totally gorgey.

'About time Kittykat.'

Gee skipped down the last few steps and snogged the Biscuit.

Kittykat flushed bright red, because Connie was watching.

**3 minutes later**

Gee noticed the nightie that Connie is wearing.

Kittykat quickly dragged the Biscuit out of the mad house.

I laughed. 'The Biscuit wasn't peeking.'

'She's tres tres embarrassing.'

'Arr... But Kittykat is the prozzie's offspring.'

I watched Gee's face fall. 'Don't remind moi.'

'Connie reminds the Biscuit of Kittykat.'

Kittykat glared at moi. I raised my eyebrows.

'Just like Sex Kitten looks at the Biscuit's Vati and see's the Biscuit.'

Gee flushed red. I laughed. Again.

'It's R- Richard's smile. I like the Hornmeister's smile and-and it's the same.'

The Biscuit raised his eyebrow.

Kittykat biffed the Biscuit in ye ole' abs.

'And you're flipping eyebrow raising malarkey.'

What about the Biscuit's eyebrow?

**1 minute later**

Kittykat makes the Biscuit smile.

She's such a laugh. 'Georgia, you're such a loon.'

'Don't start that. I'm cross with the Hornmeister.'

What? What did the Biscuit say?

Why is the Biscuit in Kittykat's bad books?

**7:31 pm**

The Biscuit didn't reply to Kittykat.

Kittykat started to hit moi.

'You're just pants! You hear Dave! PANTS!'

**1 minute later**

Grabbed Kittykat's wrists and snogged her.

**5 minutes later**

The Biscuit's supreme snogging skills have turned Sex Kitten jelliod.

I tucked Kittykat's hair behind her ears. 'The Biscuit is sorry.'

Gee smiled. The Biscuit lobes Kittykat's smile.

'Nrrrghh...' Awww. Kittykat can't talkie.

I kissed Gee on the forehead.

**7:42 pm**

Holding Gee's hand.

'Kittykat's been quite for an awful long time.'

'Does Mutti really remind the Biscuit of Kittykat?'

Arr... That's what the Biscuit said to make Kittykat huffy.

'A little... But the Biscuit doesn't rate Kittykat's Mutti. The Biscuit lobes Kittykat. She's vair vair beeautiful.'

Georgia turned a deep shade of red. 'Where is the Biscuit taking moi?'

I laughed. 'That be the big surprise, be no fun if Kitty knew.'

'Mr. Laugh that isn't vair fair.' I wrapped moi arm around Kittykat.

'You're welcome, Sex Kitten.' Gee just smiled.

**15 minutes later, The Roller-skating Rink**

Kittykat's face fell. 'The Hornmeister does know that Kittykat can't skate.'

The Biscuit led Kittykat inside. 'Kittykat will be fabbity.'

'She'll fall on her botty.' I laughed.

**1 minute later**

Collecting roller-skates.

'Kittykat can hold the Biscuit's hand, if she's scared.'

'I'm going to break moi bum-oley.'

**1 minute later**

Took Kittykat over to the rink. Gee sat down.

Kittykat looked like she was having a nervy b.

The Biscuit put Kittykat's skates on.

Not on, as in on the Biscuit's feet, like on Kittykat's tootsies.

'Dave. I will fall.'

'The Vati doesn't think Kittykat will.'

**2 minutes later**

Hmmm... Kittykat wasn't kidding.

We stood in our rented skates.

Gee landed straight on her botty.

I laughed. Helping Kittykat to her feet.

'You alright?' Gee grumbled. 'The Biscuit will teach Kitty.'

**3 minutes later, On the Rink**

Gee is struggling to stand.

The Biscuit is letting Gee hold the side railing.

'Dave. This isn't vair fabbity.' I laughed.

'Kittykat looks like that little deer on ice.'

'Bambi?' Kittykat fell on her bum-oley. Again.

'Exactamundo.'

**8:35 pm**

Hmmm. Gee has gotten rather gut.

'Is Kittykat brave enough to come hold the Biscuit's hand?'

Gee took a second to think about the Biscuit's request.

**1 minute later**

Holding Kittykat's hand.

'Is Kittykat having a marvy time?' Gee smiled.

'Everything is tres tres fun-osity with the Hornmeister.'

'Gut, gut... Ready to go faster?'

'Yep.' I laughed.

What's the worst that could happen?

**1 minute later**

Sex Kitten fell on the Biscuit.

'Gee... The Biscuit doesn't like being on the bottom.'

Gee flushed red. 'Sorry Hornmeister.'

Brushed back Kittykat's hair.

The Biscuit likes the Red Loon look on his Sex Kitten.

Oh flip flippidy... It has to be done.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat.

**8:42 pm**

Gee's gone jelliod.

The Biscuit tried to help Kittykat to her feet.

... But Kittykat just fell on the Biscuit. Again.

The Biscuit going to ache in the morning.

'Kittykat has to stop falling for the Biscuit.'

'Nrrrghh...' I laughed.

'Would Kittykat like a drink?' Gee nodded.

**6 minutes later**

Kittykat sat in a booth waiting for the Vati.

The Vati went to buy drinks and a box of curly fries.

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... Kittykat was thirsty.

Kittykat drunk all her drink and half the Biscuit's.

'Dave...'

'Kittykat?'

'Sorry... About falling on you.'

The Biscuit wrapped his arm around Gee.

'Forget about it, Sex Kitten.'

I pushed the curly fries towards Gee.

Kittykat took one. 'Thanks.'

**9:46 pm, Walking Kittykat Home**

Another marvy night with the gorgey Kittykat.

Kittykat and the Hornmeister haven't spoken like that for ages.

Kittykat's elder loons have booked a trip to Och Aye Land.

The Biscuit can tell that Kittykat doesn't want to go. I suggested that if Bob and Connie are alright with the idea, then the Hornmeister would accompany Kittykat.

Gee thought this idea was fabbity. The Biscuit on the other hand may live to regret it.

**2 minutes later, Kittykat's Garden Gate**

Snogging Kittykat.

The Biscuit believes a bit of appropriate fondling is in order.

I squeezed Kittykat's botty. Kittykat moaned.

Cheeky minx. Ouch!

The Biscuit will be a bald coot, if Kittykat is any rougher with his hair.

Hmmm...

Wonder if Bob and Connie will notice, if the Biscuit escorted Kittykat to her boudoir?

**1 minute later**

Kittykat stopped snogging the Biscuit.

Naughty Kittykat. The Biscuit wants more.

'Vati will come take the Biscuit's trouser snake, if I don't go.'

Hmmm. Did the Biscuit really say that out loud?

Kittykat laughed. 'Night night Hornmeister.'

I smiled. 'Night Gorgeous.'

_**A.N. Gee and Dave's date dragged out longer than I planned, but on the bright-side I have another chapter to update the story with. Hope you all loved reading it as much as I loved writing it. I may get another chapter done before Easter but I'm not sure. Anyway please consider reviewing because reviews make me write quicker. Love RoxannetheLaugh.**_

_**P.s. In case anyone hasn't seen I've published two other stories featuring Kittykat and The Hornmeister. These stories are set when Gee and Dave are older. If you like the sound of them please read and review. I'd love your opinions on the older Gee and Dave.**_


	14. Ye ole' spud fetish

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**14. Ye ole' spud fetish**

Saturday, 7 July

**7:02 am, Sleeping**

'GEORGIA! HONEY WAKE UP!' Huh?

'DEAREST MUTTI! SOME OF US ARE TRYING TO SLEEP!'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... It's seven am.

'YOUR FATHER AND I ARE GOING AWAY FOR THE WEEKEND!'

Hmmm. 'THAT'S NICE!'

What makes Mutti think that moi gives a hoot?

'DON'T BE SO BLOODY CHEEKY WITH YOUR MOTHER!'

'BOB! DON'T BE RUDE!' Hehe.

**1 minute later**

Fab. Libs appeared in moi's room.

'BAD BOY! BAD BOY! GET AWAKE!'

Ouch! Libby hit me with Scuba Barbie.

'GINGEY! UP!'

Pulled the duvet over moi head.

**1 minute later**

It's getting crowded in here.

Libs climbed into moi's bed with her fwends.

Mutti appeared in the doorway.

'Georgia, Hun. We're leaving now: the babysitters are downstairs.'

WHAT? A BABYSITTER! Mutti laughed.

'Yes, Hun. For Libby.' Oh.

Suppose that's coolio.

**7:21 am**

Hang on... Something's wrong.

Mutti isn't usually that responsible.

'Liberty! Darlin, where you hiding?'

Hmmm. The babysitter sounds familiar.

Libby laughed. 'WITH GINGEY!'

**1 minute later**

Gadzooks... The babysitters! are Rebecca and Millie.

Mutti has finally lost it... Whatever 'it' maybe.

Mills laughed. 'Morning Kittykat.'

I've gone utterly goldfish.

**2 minutes later**

Libby went with Rebecca to have breakfast.

Mills sat on moi's dressing table.

'Sweetie Pie's downstairs waiting for Kittykat.'

Hmmm... The Hornmeister can wait.

Rolled over in bed and closed moi's mincers.

**7:11 am**

The Hornmeister had come to find Kittykat.

Dave climbed under the duvet with moi.

'Kittykat is such a lazy minx.'

I rolled over to face the Hornmeister.

Ohmygiddygod... The Hornmeister is without tshirt.

**1 minute later**

'Kittykat. The Biscuit's eyes are up here.'

Gadzooks. Giant Red Loon Alert!

Dave laughed. 'The Biscuit thinks Kittykat is vair pretty.'

**1 minute later**

Ekk... Dave has found Libby's mouldy potato frwend.

'Why does Kittykat have a mouldy pomme de terre in her bed?'

'Maybe Kittykat likes potatoes in her bed.'

Hmmm. That was perhaps a smidge to defensive.

Dave laughed. 'Arr... Ye ole' spud fetish.'

'What? Erlack... That's tres tres gross.'

A cheeky grin appeared on the Hornmeister's lips.

'The Biscuit has a Kittykat fetish.' Ooo-err.

'Hmmm. That's vair rudey dudey Hornmeister.'

**7:19 am**

Snogging the Hornmeister. Number 8.

**4 minutes later**

Sat on the Hornmeister lap.

Utterly jelliod knickers.

'Kittykat is such a naughty minx.'

'Nrrrghh...' What did I do?

**2 minutes later**

Ekk... Dave started tickle bears.

'DAV-ID! ST-ST-STOP IT!'

'Make me, Sex Kitten.'

Sadly I couldn't make Dave stop.

**3 minutes later**

The Hornmeister snogged moi. Number 6.

Hmmm... Nip libbling.

**7:34 am**

Libby has returned from breakfast in nuddy-pants.

'GINGEY! BAD BOY STOP SNOGGLING DAVEY! DAVEY MINE!'

**1 minute later**

Oh Lord Sandra... Libs is sat on the Hornmeister lap in nuddy pants.

The Hornmeister tucked moi's hair behind her ear.

'Alas my fair Kittykat for the Biscuit is irresistible.'

I raise my eyebrows. Dave raised his higher.

**8:03 am, The Kitchen **

Eating breaky with the Hornmeister.

**1 minute later**

My mobile started ringing. It's Mabs.

'Hey Mabs.'

'Hey... Emergency Ace Gang Meeting later.'

'Uber. See you there. Ooo... Hang on. Where?'

'Err... Is your house free?'

'Dave's here. But I'll get rid of him. Shall we say one o'clock?'

Dave raised his eyebrow. I raised mine higher.

'Fabbity. S'later.' Mabs hung up.

**1:05 pm, Emergency Ace Gang Meeting**

Mabs and Ed have reached number 10.

Jools as you say, broke the ice. 'When?'

Mabs had entered the land of red loon-osity. 'Friday. We... err... went to the cin-cinema... His... well... his parents are away... like... err... this weekend.' Gadzook. Mabs had turned into Ellen.

**4 minutes later**

Mabs thinks that she'd embarrassed herself on Friday.

Mabs got rather upset telling us, so I'm not one hundred percent sure what happened.

**1:12 pm**

The Barmy Army crashed our Emergency Ace Gang meeting.

Mabs started blubbering. Jazzy had a utter dither spaz.

The Barmy Army pushed Tom forward to calm Jas down.

Jools laughed. 'Totally bravosity guys.'

**5 minutes later**

Each member of the Ace Gang are sat with their betrothed.

The Hornmeister pulled moi onto his lap.

I was watching Ed, who now had Mabs in his arms.

**9:04 pm**

Spent the rest of the arvie at le park.

The Barmy Army played footie.

The Ace Gang sunbathed.

And there were the occasional snogs.

Jools and Rollo disappeared behind the bushes.

We thought they'd been abducted by little green men.

Rollo certainly looked like he'd had when they finally returned.

RoRo probed Jools for a number on the snogging scale. Number 9.

Jas called Jools a tart. Jools didn't care.

**2 minutes later, Moi's Bedroom**

Snog fest with the Hornmeister. Number 9.

Sunday, 8 July

**7:45 am**

Being snogged by the Hornmeister.

'Kittykat... I'm away laughing on a fast camel.'

I opened moi's mincers. 'The Biscuit will catch Kittykat later.'

Hmmm. Too sleepy to talk... Zzzzz.

**9:02 am**

The Hornmeister has a footie match this morning.

Mill and B are taking us to watch.

What does one wear to a footie match?

Are cute denim short appropriate? Or skinny jeans?

'GEE...! HURRY UP!'

**3 minutes later**

Millie the Laugh to the rescue.

Wearing my skinny jeans and Dave's away shirt.

Millie and B had brought the Hornmeister's footie team their away shirts.

They're pink and maroon... Mill says that Dave hates them.

**6 minutes later, Walking Downstairs**

Gadzooks... B has persuaded Libby into her pram.

Libby's pram that is: you loons know what I mean.

Rebecca the Laugh doesn't have a pram.

**1 minute later**

Sat on the bottom step, putting on my Converse.

B smiled at moi. 'Sweetie Pie will be surprised to see Kittykat wearing his footie shirt.'

'Does Dave really wear this shirt?' B nodded.

'Yep. The sponsor is mine and Millie's foundation. The lads help with fundraising.'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Fundraising?'

'Me and Millie setup the 'Love the Laugh' foundation last year. It raises money for community project, cancer research, the children's hospice and the local performing arts fund. Pink's the foundation's colour scheme.'

Blimey O'Reilly... Amelia and Rebecca are so bloody perfect-osity.

What the flippidy happened to the Hornmeister? Hehe.

Kittykat is only joking. My Davey is tres tres perfectamundo.

**9:23 am, Walking to the footie pitch**

Mill and B are selling raffle tickets... And because moi is an honorary Laugh, I'm helping.

Millie's keeping Libby amused. Vair surprised that Libby's being normal-osity.

**5 minutes later, The Footie Pitch**

Greeted by the welcome party aka. a cheerleader that Libs mistook for Barbie.

Millie and B laughed, as Libby pointed at the cheerleader.

'No... Liberty, Darlin. That's Lottie.' Libby stubbornly shook her head.

'NA! BARBIE DOLLY!' I lobe Libs.

Lottie introduced herself to moi.

'Hi. I'm Charlotte. You may call me, Lottie.'

Hmmm. 'Err... Hey. I'm Georgia.'

Someone should introduce Lottie (aka. The Wet Barbie Doll) to Wet Lindsey.

Lottie wanted to know where she could buy an away shirt. Millie answered.

'Gee's dating one of the camels... But the team are having new kits and we'll be selling them.'

Trust the Hornmeister to name his footie team The Laughing Camels.

I laughed like a loon, when Dave first told moi the name.

**9:30 am, Kick Off **

Phwoar... The Hornmeister looks vair gorgey in his footie kit.

The Laughing Camels home kit is green. It's vair groovy.

**5 minutes later**

Jools is here watching Rollo.

She's wearing Rollo's away shirt.

I was sat behind Jools.

**1 minute later**

'Jools.' No response. 'JULIA!' No response. 'OI SLAG!'

Jools turned. 'Gee, do you mind? I'm trying to watch the game.'

**5 seconds later**

Jools giggled. 'Isn't Rollo the cutest in his footie kit?'

I raised my eyebrows. Jools giggled. Again.

**9:51 am**

Jools is still drooling over Rollo.

The footie score's one all.

Rollo had scored. Jools squealed.

**10:15 am, Half Time**

Selling raffle tickets with Jools.

'Excited about next week?'

'Yep... You?' Jools giggled.

'Rollo has arranged us a tent of our own.' Ooo-err.

**10:30 am, Second Half**

Sold 40 raffle tickets. Gave the money to Rebecca.

**1 minute later**

Sat with Jools gossing about next week.

'Where you and Davey staying?'

'It's a little wooden cabin beside a lake.'

'Sounds perfect... And we're in the middle of some wood.'

I laughed. 'Dave and I have counselling sessions though.'

'I'd take the counselling sessions over looking at fox droppings.'

**10:35 am**

Jools was hoping Rollo would take her on holiday.

She wanted to go to Barcelona with him.

Rollo couldn't afford to though, unless everyone went.

Jas didn't want to go Barcelona.

**2 minutes later**

'You'll have fun. Keep Jazzy awake for me.'

Jools laughed. 'Georgia. I'm not a common tart.'

'Really? Must be Rollo.' Jools laughed like a loon.

**11:13 am**

The Hornmeister scored the winning goal.

I screamed like a loon on loon tablets.

**11:15 am, Full Time. Final score 2-1 to the camels.**

The team carried the Hornmeister off the pitch.

Jools disappeared to snog Rollo. I followed Millie and B.

**2 minutes later**

Humph... The Hornmeister's flirting with the Wet Barbie Doll.

Millie winked at moi. B laughed.

I raised my eyebrows. B raised hers higher.

'Kittykat should listen to this. She'll find it very amusing.'

**6 minutes later**

Having a laughing spaz. Going to wet moi's knickers.

Millie got rid of the Wet Barbie Doll.

I shall explain what happened for all you loons out there.

**5 minutes ago...**

Mills walked over to the Hornmeister and the Wet Barbie Doll.

'Sweetie Pie... Time for your antibiotics.' Dave raised his eyebrow.

The Wet Barbie Doll squealed. 'Is Davey sick-poo?'

'Nope... Davey's been like vair naughty. Got himself Chlamydia.'

I laughed like a loon. The Wet Barbie Doll looked tres tres horrified.

'Err... Like... I think... Yes... well... I'M COMING FRANKIE!' Hehe.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister gave Mills death glares.

'WHAT THE FLIP, AMELIA!' Millie laughed.

'Slutty Lottie isn't like Sweetie Pie's type.'

'YOU TOLD HER I HAD CHLAMYDIA!'

'Indeed... Gave Kittykat a good chuckle.'

Dave's inner goldfish came out.

**3 minutes later**

Snogging the Hornmeister. Number 6.

'Kittykat's gorgey in the Hornmeister's shirt.'

'The Hornmeister's sweaty.' Dave laughed.

'The Biscuit's been winning le match.'

I laughed. 'I saw... The Biscuit's vair gut.'

The Hornmeister snogged moi. Again.

_**A.N. I'm back. Sorry for the very long break. I've had university examines and I'm struggling on through writers block. I hope you all loved this chapter. Next chapter is the start of Dave and Gee's retreat. Not sure if I should increase the rating with the next few chapters: I'm open to all my readers opinions. It should be up in the next week or so... And if this chapter has any formatting mistakes it's because my laptop is being funny. Love RoxannetheLaugh x**_


	15. because it'll make Kittykat scream

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison. **_

_**Warning: M Rated**_

**15. ... because it'll make Kittykat scream**

Monday, 9 July

**2:32 pm**

The Hornmeister's sat on moi's suitcase.

'Why does Kittykat need so much wubbish?'

Whacked the Hornmeister's arm. 'It isn't wubbish.'

**5 minutes later**

Christ's Bike. I need a bigger suitcase.

'MUTTI! DO WE HAVE A BIGGER SUITCASE?'

I shouldn't have left packing til the last minute.

'THERE'S ONE IN MY WARDROBE!'

**2:43 pm**

The Hornmeister's helping moi repack the larger suitcase.

'Kittykat's packed her sexy bikini, such a little minx.'

Dave's wearing moi's bikini top on his head.

I laughed. 'And the Biscuit's a loon.' Dave smiled.

**20 minutes later**

I'd reclaimed my bikini top from the Biscuit's head.

We've finished packing the suitcase.

Dave's admiring himself in moi's mirror.

'My Hornmeister's so vain.'

'How long before my eyebrow grows back?'

I laughed. 'It'll take a few weeks, Davey.'

**3:08 pm, Walking to Dave's House**

The Hornmeister's dragging my suitcase.

'The Biscuit doesn't think Kittykat need all her wubbish.'

'I could hardly bring just a bikini Dave.'

'Ooo... The Biscuit thinks that's a tres tres fabbity plan.'

'Don't you dare, Hornmeister.' Dave winked at me.

**10 minutes later, The Laugh Household**

Richard is waiting for us.

'You're late, Dave.' The Hornmeister defended himself.

'Was not the Biscuit's fault. Kittykat was fussing with her wubbish.'

I glared at Dave. Richard laughed.

'Never mind... Get in the car.'

**5:09 pm, Reception**

Vair long car ride to le retreat resort.

The Hornmeister is tres tres bored and pestering Richard.

I dragged the Hornmeister away before Richard had a nervy b.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister didn't enjoy being pulled along.

He scooped Kittykat into his arms and carried moi into the lobby.

I screamed. 'PUT ME DOWN, YOU LOON!' Dave laughed.

**2 minutes later**

Waiting with le suitcases whilst the Hornmeister checked in.

**13 minutes later**

Gadzooks... The cabin is tres tres magnifiques.

It looks out over the lake.

Two walls are completely made of glass.

There's a marvy living, dining and kitchen area.

And an utterly amazing double bedroom.

Ekk... And there's a Jacuzzi.

Dave laughed 'Kittykat likes?'

I nodded like a noddy thing on nodding tablets.

'Oui. It's tres tres terrific.'

**1 minute later, Unpacking**

Unpacking is tres tres untidy.

It looks like a bomb had hit the cabin bedroom.

Dave's clothes are neatly scattered across the floor.

... And the Hornmeister is rummaging through my suitcase.

The Hornmeister's wearing one of moi's bras.

'Dave, you're such a loon.' Dave winked.

'Now, now Kittykat. The Biscuit shall snog the life out of you later.'

Cheeky sod.

**6:12 pm**

Meeting our counsellor/activities manager for the week.

Her name's Cassandra: she's tres tres freaky deaky.

I lobe the scarf in her hair though... vair hippy chic.

Cassandra glanced over her spectacles. 'Interesting. Very interesting. I sense promiscuity, unfaithfulness, a few unforgiving ex-partners... Friendship, backstabbing, sorrow. Such a young couple, yet so much history.'

Hmmm. Sensing Cassandra fancies herself as a Mystic Meg type person.

Dave laughed like a loon on loon tablets.

I elbowed him in the ribs. 'Sorry about him. He's a bit of a loon.'

Dave raised his eyebrows. I raised mine higher.

'Don't worry my child. Laughter is good. Laughter is forgiveness.'

Hmmm. Don't I know it. 'See Kittykat. Laughter is tres tres gut.'

**5 minutes later**

Cassandra says we have to pick four 'totally happening' activities from the list.

There are so vair many activities to pick.

**1 minute later**

Hmmm. The massage and yoga sessions look fab.

Wonder what the Hornmeister will pick?

I probably don't want to know.

Would the Hornmeister pick bungee jumping?

He knows that Kittykat is fond of heights.

**1 minute later**

Chosen four activities: yoga sessions, massage classes, pottery classes and art classes.

Cassandra had offered me and the Hornmeister herbal tea.

The Hornmeister poured his tea into a plant pot when Cassandra left the room.

'You'll get us sent home.'

Dave pouted. 'Sorry Kittykat. Kittykat may punish the Biscuit later.'

I raised my eyebrows. Dave raised his higher.

'Stop being such a loon.'

'No Kittykat's le loon.'

'David!'

**6:23 pm**

The Hornmeister is giving me ye ole' cold shoulder, because I called him David.

Cassandra has returned. 'Are you groovy cats ready to reveal your choice of activities?'

'Yep.' Dave popped the 'p'.

Cassandra instructed the Hornmeister to explain the activities that he'd chosen.

'Coolio. The Biscuit has chosen tandem bungee jump because it'll make Kittykat scream. Zorbing cause the Biscuit thinks it looks uber fab fabbity. Body paint class because I'll get to see Sex Kitten with her kit off.'

Fabbity. Just Fabbity.

And yes... That was sarcasm if you loons hadn't already realised.

**1 minute later**

Cassandra had to prompt the Biscuit for his last activity.

'Erm... The Hornmeister picked the Candle Lit Dinner, because... well... I know Kittykat will hate all the other activities I've chosen... And I don't... like... want Gee to have a rotten time.'

Awww. That's so romantical.

How can Kittykat be cross with the Hornmeister now?

Hehe. Davey has entered the land of the red loons.

**1 minute later**

I took hold of the Hornmeister's hand under the table.

'Georgia, Darlin. Which activities have you selected?'

Kinda wish I'd chosen something the Hornmeister would enjoy.

'Erm... I've chosen yoga, the massage sessions, pottery and the art classes.' Cassandra nodded.

'Very well. There's just a few more housekeeping jobs, but then you kids are free to enjoy the night.'

Ooo-err. Dave winked at moi. Cheeky sod.

**6:46 pm**

Freedom! Cassandra finally let the Hornmeister and Kittykat leave.

Walking along the lakeside holding the Hornmeister's hand.

'Davey being tres tres romantical.'

'Indeed... Does Kittykat like?'

'Kittykat lobes vair much.'

The Hornmeister wrapped his arm around my waist.

'Gut gut.' We both laughed like loons.

'Dave, you're such a loon.'

'Nope. That be Kittykat's affect on the Hornmeister.' Awww.

**7:04 pm, The Uber Fabbity Cabin**

Snogging the Hornmeister. Number 6 with a hint of number 8.

The Hornmeister had carried moi back from the lake.

We're currently sat on the sofa.

I have my legs around the Hornmeister waist.

My fingers are tangled in the Hornmeister's hair.

Hmmm... Nip libbling.

**7:42 pm**

Moved into our uber fabbity bedroom.

Watching movies with the Hornmeister.

**9:03 pm**

The bedroom's pitch black. The Hornmeister has turned out the lights.

'What does the Biscuit think he's doing?' Dave didn't reply.

**1 minute later**

I felt the Hornmeister's hands on my hips.

Dave's lips against mine. Number 6.

His hands proceeded to run under my tshirt.

The first rubbing circles into moi back. The second reaching for my bra.

I had my fingers tangled in the Hornmeister's hair and tracing the length of his neck.

**4 minutes later**

We'd fallen backwards onto the large double bed.

Dave was currently on the bottom, but I doubt that would last long.

I was going jelliod as Dave continued to fondle my nunga-nungas.

His lips had trailed away from mine.

I turned a little bit moany. Grabbing another fistful of Dave's hair.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister threw my tshirt and bra onto the floor.

He prised my fingers out of his hand... And removed his own tshirt. Mmhm.

I wrapped my legs around the Hornmeister's waist as he stood at the end of the bed.

I pulled him closer, wrapping my arms around his neck.

Dave smiled. 'Sex Kitten isn't very egger tonight. The Biscuit is normally naked by now.'

'Shut up and snog me.' Dave laughed.

A laugh which was interrupted by my lips.

**1 minute later**

Dave slipped his hands into my knickers, pulling me closer to him.

I shuffled forward. Dave was vair eager.

I trailed my lips along Dave's jaw-line and down his throat.

The Hornmeister groaned as I made little nips against his skin.

I reached for Dave's belt buckle, whilst he continued to fondle my body.

My eyes fluttered shut as Dave's hands worked their magic.

**9:10 pm**

'Dave...' His name had escaped my lips as a hopeless breath.

His lips were enjoying ever part of my body, leaving a satisfying feeling in their wake.

The satisfying feeling was slowly turning into a substantial shiver.

Dave muttered against my skin. 'Hmmm?'

I thrust forward crashing into Dave's hips. Dave groaned.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister took a step up the snogging scale. Number 9.

I leaned against Dave. Little moans escaped from my lips.

Dave eventually found the spot he was looking for.

His fingers slowly stroked the spot.

'Oh... Mmhm.'

'Is that the right spot?'

'Yeee-p...' Dave lips brushed against mine.

Dave's other hand had firm hold of my botty.

His lips nibbling moi's neck. 'Again.'

**2 minutes later**

The Hornmeister continued to massage the stop that sent shivers through my tummy.

I'd just pushed the Hornmeister's jeans past his waist.

Dave finished the job and stepped out of them, kicking them to one side.

My hands slipped into Dave's boxers.

**5 seconds later**

Dave groaned heavily against my skin, as I touch his trouser snake.

I pushed Dave's boxers down out of the way.

They joined the rest of our clothes on the floor.

I continued to make Dave groan. 'Oh... Sex K-kitten.'

**1 minute later**

We took turns making each other groan and moan.

My eyes fluttering against the shivers.

**3 minutes later**

Waiting impatiently whilst Dave sorted out the boy balloon.

I wiggled under the duvet. To keep warm.

The shivers making me giggle, as they rippled through me.

Dave soon returned, climbing under the duvet next to me.

**6 seconds later**

We wrestled under the duvet for position.

Dave ended up on top, with a mischievous smile on his lips.

I wrapped my arms around Dave's neck.

Pulling him closer, so that I could snog him senseless.

**1 minute later**

We snogged as Dave started to work his way in and out.

It felt uber natural to reach Number 10 with Dave.

The first time nervy b. had disappeared months ago.

Dave and I were comfortable with each other.

It's exactly how a perfect boyfriend/girlfriend relationship should be.

I wouldn't swap Dave for any other boy in the world.

**9:21 pm**

Dave collapsed into the bed.

I ran my fingers through his hair.

'The Hornmeister sleepy?'

Dave yawned. 'I love you, Sex Kitten.'

I yawned. 'I love you, Hornmeister.'

_**A.N. Hope you all love this chapter. Remember to review. I write quicker with more reviews. Love RoxannetheLaugh x**_


	16. The Vati isn't man enough Dave's POV

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**16. The Vati isn't man enough |Dave's POV|**

Tuesday, 10 July

**4:50 am**

Kittykat's beeautiful in boboland and nuddy pants.

The Biscuit ran his fingertips along Gee's little botty.

Gee fidgeted, snuggling into the Biscuit's chest.

I should probably find Kittykat's second hand...

... Keep it from causing mischief beneath ye ole' sheets.

**3 minutes later**

Official can't move. Kittykat's stronger than she looks.

Hmmm... Going to have to wake Kittykat.

The Biscuit needs the wazzarium.

**1 minute later**

Snogging the side of Gee's face.

Kittykat grumbled. 'Hornmeister. Stop it.'

'Let go of the Hornmeister, or he'll waz in the bed.'

Kittykat grumbled and rolled over. Freedom!

Argh... Yes. Piddly diddly department here I come.

**5:02 am**

Returned to the bedroom, but Kittykat's not there.

**1 minute later, The Kitchen**

Kittykat's wearing the Biscuit's tshirt.

Her little botty is peeking out from beneath my tshirt.

I wrapped my arms around Gee's waist.

Sex Kitten spat water everywhere. Oops.

'Dave!' I laughed like a loon.

'Sorry. Didn't mean to make Kittykat jump.'

Kittykat hit the Biscuit. 'Ouch!' She laughed.

'Will the Biscuit watch the sunrise with me?'

I smiled. 'Sure Sex Kitten... Let the Biscuit grab his boxers.'

**1 minute later **

I can inform you all, that my boxers are vair vair gut at Hide 'n' Seek.

'GEE! WHERE THE FLIP YOU THROWN MY BOXERS?'

'HAVE YOU LOOKED UNDER THE BED?'

Obviously the Biscuit has looked under the... Oh. Found them.

'THANKS GORGEOUS!'

'DAVE!'

'YES!'

'WHY WE SHOUTING?'

Gee's watching the Biscuit from the doorway, so why were we shouting?

**5:06 am, Watching the Sun Rise**

Kittykat's got her flashy camera.

Taking photos of the Biscuit in his boxers. Cheeky minx.

**1 minute later**

Snogging Kittykat. Took away her flashy camera.

The Biscuit's taking photos of Kittykat.

Photos of Kittykat and the Biscuit snogging.

Photos of Kittykat's pretty little botty.

Gee is just complaining. 'Dave! I'm not wearing makeup.'

'The Biscuit doesn't care. Kittykat is beautiful.'

Kittykat's cheeks turned pink.

'Stop it. I look trampy.' I laughed.

'Never Sex Kitten.'

I placed the camera down, leaning forward to snog Gee.

**11:12 am**

Ekk... Fell off the sofa.

Must have fallen to sleep on the sofa with Gee.

Kittykat looks all cosy under the duvet.

I'll let Gee sleep a little longer.

**2 minutes later**

Hmmm... Maybe Gee can't sleep for longer.

We have yoga at twelve. 'Gorgeous. Time to wake up.'

Kittykat reach out and tried batting the Hornmeister away.

I laughed. 'I'm not an alarm clock.'

Gee grumbled. Didn't hear what she said.

'Again Kittykat. The Hornmeister didn't catch that.'

'Five more minutes.' I laughed. Again.

'The yoga instructor will be here in forty five minutes.'

**1 minute later**

Kittykat shot up off the sofa.

I watched her run into the bathroom.

I was laughing like an utter loon.

**11:38 am**

Hmmm... Kittykat's hogging the bathroom.

'Georgia! Hurry up!'

Gee appeared at the bathroom door, wrapped in towel.

Smiling like a loon on smiley tablets. 'All yours.'

**3 minutes later**

Kittykat left the Biscuit to have a very swift shower.

Walked into the bedroom with a towel around my waist.

Gee looks rather chilled.

'The Biscuit likes Kittykat's yoga shorts.'

Kittykat didn't look at the Biscuit. 'Get dressed.'

'Arr Kittykat has the horn for the Biscuit's wet self.'

**11:45 am, All Dried Off**

Jumping on the bed, in nuddy-pants, until Kittykat looks.

'David. Stop being such a child.'

'Kittykat didn't mind last night.'

**1 minute later**

Bugger. I fell off the bed.

'DAVE!' Arrr... Now Kittykat worries.

I scrambled off the floor. 'The Biscuit's fine.'

Gee rolled her mincers. 'Get dressed.'

I gave Kittykat a quick salute. 'Yes Ma'am.'

**12:02 pm**

Our yoga teacher has arrived. She's a bloke.

Kittykat froze in the doorway.

I laughed. 'Ignore that one mate. Sometimes she's not all there.'

Gee threw me death. The yoga teacher laughed.

'It's al'ight. Me husband would kill me.'

'YOUR GAY?' Hmmm. That's my Kittykat.

The bloke laughed. 'Yes. I'm Harry Jameson-Fox.'

Harry held out his hand. I shook it.

'I'm Dave and this is Georgia, but she prefers Gee.'

**11 minutes later**

The Biscuit isn't supposed to bend like this.

Kittykat looks nice and calm though.

'Awesome. Now we're all warmed up. We can start on some positions as a couple.'

Hmmm. Don't think Harry's kidding. 'Al'ight something easy to start.'

**12:45 pm **

The yoga session didn't end soon enough.

The Biscuit will be sore tomorrow.

Unless I can get Kittykat into ye ole' hot tub.

... But the Biscuit has the whole afternoon to achieve that goal.

**2 minutes later**

Said goodbye to Harry, but he'll be back Thursday.

The Biscuit ordered pizza.

Ham and Mushroom: Kittykat's favourite.

Kittykat climbed back into her jimjams.

I just stripped down to my boxers.

We're sat on the sofa, all snugly, watching movies.

Kittykat choose a romcom.

**10 minutes later**

The Biscuit doesn't think Kittykat's interested in le movie.

She's too busy snogging the Biscuit senseless.

Shan't pretend it's not my fault. I may have been tempting Kittykat.

I was massaging her nunga-nungas through her top.

**1 minute later**

Removed Kittykat's top. Kittykat didn't stop the Biscuit.

Kittykat's nunga-nungas are enjoying the Biscuit's attention.

Gee's snogging my neck. 'Naughty minx.'

**1:04 pm**

A Spotty Nerd delivered the pizza.

Kittykat's blushed bright red.

Spotty Nerd looked like he was having a nervy b.

Probably shouldn't have removed Kittykat's top.

I paid the Spotty Nerd.

**21 minutes later**

Kittykat ate her pizza in silence.

The Biscuit kissed Kittykat on the cheek.

'Is Kittykat jelliod?' Sex Kitten shook her noggin.

I laughed. 'The Biscuit will have to fix that.'

A cheeky smile appeared on Kittykat's lips.

**3:04 pm**

The Biscuit could certainly get used to Kittykat's mood.

Sex Kitten had run through the cabin in her nuddy pants.

I watched le little minx climb into ye ole' hot tub.

Gee giggled. 'The Vati isn't man enough.'

Bugger. I'd totally turned goldfish.

'Kittykat will regret saying that.' Gee giggled.

Hmmm... If the Biscuit can't beat the Kittykat, he may as well join her.

**10 seconds later**

Splashing Kittykat. 'Such a minx.'

Kittykat splashed the Biscuit.

'No. The Biscuit's a sexy fool.' Gee laughed like a loon.

'The Biscuit thinks Kittykat may have forgotten her loony meds.'

Pulled Gee into the seat next to me. 'I love you, Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

Kittykat's hand is on the Biscuit's thigh.

Gee lips pressed against mine.

Phwoar. Kittykat has learnt much from the Hornmeister.

**1 minute later**

Kittykat wrapped her legs around the Biscuit's waist.

The Biscuit probably shouldn't have let Kittykat do that.

The Biscuit and Kittykat probably shouldn't be starkers in ye ole' hot tub.

Why does the Biscuit let Kittykat entice him?

Couldn't resist fondling Kittykat's nunga-nungas.

Kittykat groaned. 'Mmhm Daa-vee.'

**8 minutes later**

Kittykat is snogging my neck. 'Georgia. Stop.'

Gee had to stop, before the Biscuit heard the call of the Horn.

I tucked Kittykat's hair behind her ears.

'Gorgeous, can we just talk?' Gee flushed kind of red.

I laughed. 'I love you.' Gee smiled.

'Too much?' Kittykat climbed off my lap.

'A little... But the Hornmeister was enjoying himself.'

**3:24 pm**

The Biscuit's arm is around Kittykat's shoulders.

Kittykat has sunk beneath the bubbles. Gee smiled.

'Wouldn't want the Hornmeister distracted by Kittykat's nunga-nungas.'

I laughed. 'Fabbity... so what we gossing about?'

Georgia splashed me. 'Jools doesn't even sound like that.'

'How'd you know it was Jools then?'

'Cause Jools says that's how the Hornmeister annoys Rollo.'

'Arrr... so Kittykat does goss about the Hornmeister?'

'What does the Hornmeister think us girlies goss about?'

'The sexy Hornmeister and his many antics.' Gee laughed.

I love Gee's laugh. 'Why does the Hornmeister call moi Kittykat?'

Huh? Oh right... Georgia's finished laughing.

'Erm. You remember our first kiss.'

**4 minutes later**

Kittykat's having a Gee moment.

'What about it?' I laughed. Gee having a nervy b.

'It was different. I feel different snogging you. I always have.'

'The Hornmeister isn't answering Kittykat's questions.' I laughed. Again.

'I'm trying, but Kittykat keeps having nervy b's on the Biscuit.'

Gee blushed red. 'Sorry.' I smiled.

'There's a girl that lives in the Biscuit's dreamland. The girl has always been dressed as a Kittykat. The night after our first kiss the girl had been replaced with you. The Biscuit has never had a single dream about Rachel, nor Emma, where you haven't interrupted with your Kittykat disguise. Dream Gee's rather defensive of her territory.'

**2 minutes later**

Kittykat's just staring at the Biscuit.

I laughed. A small smile appear on Gee's lips.

'Really?' I nodded.

'Really really.' Gee laughed.

1 minute later

Snogging Gee. It was really rather romantical.

The Biscuit surprises himself sometimes.

**3:46 pm**

'Is that Jas?' Blimey... Kittykat just stood up in the hot tub.

'Sex Kitten. Sit down.'

Gee didn't listen. 'JAS!'

**1 minute later**

Pulled Kittykat into her seat.

'Nuddy-pants remember.'

Awww... Kittykat turned bright red.

**4 minutes later**

The Barmy Army and Ace Gang are here.

'You dudes stalking the Biscuit.'

Kittykat is still her red loony self.

'What are you two doing here?' Arr... Wouldn't Tommy boy like to know.

'Kittykat and the Biscuit are rekindling their horn for one another. You're turn.'

'We're on a nature retreat. I did tell you.' Hmmm...

Don't remember Tom mentioning that. The Biscuit probably wasn't listening.

**2 minutes later**

'You're naked!' Hmmm... Fab.

Thanks Jools. The guys look like goldfish.

I laughed. 'It's not the Biscuit's fault that him and Kittykat get a sexy holiday... And you lot get fox poo.'

Jazzy huffed. 'Least we're not acting like complete tarts.'

'Arr... But Mrs. Vole forgets that the Biscuit and Kittykat are the King and Queen of Tarts.'

**1 minute later**

Kittykat whispered into my ear. 'Dave. I want to get out.'

Hmmm. I trust the Ace Gang, Tom, Ed and Dec not to peek.

Thankfully Rosie and Sven seemed to have escaped.

I don't trust Rollo not to peek.

'Okay. Girls look away.' Mabs raised her eyebrows.

'Why?' I laughed.

'The Biscuit would like to fetch Kittykat her bikini, because I don't trust the lads not to peek.'

Tom's face fell. 'We wouldn't peek.'

'The Biscuit shall reword himself. He doesn't trust dear Rolland.'

**4:02 pm**

The Ace Gang turned away.

I climbed out the tub and fetched Kittykat's bikini.

I returned wearing swimming trunks. Handed Gee her bikini.

Gee got dressed and climbed out the hot tub.

**3 minutes later**

Hmmm. Mrs. Vole had had enough.

We watched her drag Hunky away.

Ed looked at his watch.

'Guys. We'd better go.' Rollo laughed.

'What would Jas do? Lock us out the tent.'

Jools glared at him in sheer horror. 'Yes!'

**1 minute later**

The Barmy Army and Ace Gang ran off into the forest.

Kittykat and I laughed like utter loons.

_**A.N. Hey. Hope the length of this chapter makes for the wait. Hope you all love Dave's POV and remember to review. Love RoxannetheLaugh x**_


	17. I love Edward, he's so tres tres sex

_**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters... They belong to the amazing Louise Rennison.**_

**17. I love Edward, he's so tres tres sexy**

Wednesday, 11 July

**9:39 am**

Eating le tres tres yummy breakfast that the Hornmeister made me.

I'd embarrassed myself yesterday. I acted like a massive tart.

Why Georgia? Why?

**3 minutes later**

The Hornmeister wrapped his arms around me. 'I love you.'

'I'm such a tart.' Davey raised his eyebrows.

'No.' The Hornmeister kissed me. 'I love Kittykat.'

A small smile appeared on my lips.

Dave laughed. 'Kittykat's smiling.' The smile widened.

The Hornmeister hugged me properly. I really love Dave.

Every moment with the Hornmeister's tres tres marvy.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister's mobile is ringing.

It's Rollo: Davey put him on speaker phone.

'I hate you.'

'I love you too, Rolland.'

'Don't start. Why didn't you tell me?'

'About what Darlin?'

'Your holiday with Georgia!' Ooo... Rollo's annoyed.

'Temper temper. It was none of your busy-ness.'

'David don't give me no gyp.' Dave laughed.

'Rolland. Rolland. Rolland...'

Rollo interrupted. 'David!' Dave tutted.

'You know the Biscuit isn't sworn to telling you fules everything.'

Rollo mumbled something that I couldn't understand.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister and Rollo bickered a little more.

Well... until Jools voice was heard.

'Ro. Come back to bed, Bumblebee.' Bumblebee?

Where, in the name of Lord Sandra's Y-Fronts, did that come from?

Hmmm... I don't think Jools knows that Rollo's on the phone.

Dave just laughed. 'Julia requires Bumblebee's attention.'

'Shut up!' Rollo growled.

'Ooo. Bumblebee's got a sting in his tail.'

Hehe. Rollo hung up.

I raised my eyebrows. 'Bumblebee?'

Dave's running his fingers through my hair.

'Arr... Kittykat doesn't know 'bout Bumblebee and Tootsie.'

'Tootsie?' The Hornmeister laughed like a loon.

'Dear Julia's Tootsie. Did Julia not tell Kittykat?'

'No!' Dave snogged me. Number 6.

Can't believe Jools didn't tell me about Tootsie.

It's a thousand times better than Hunky and Po.

Hehe... Bumblebee and Tootsie.

**9:47 am**

Texting Jools.

_Hey Tootsie... You and Bumblebee have a fabbity night ;)_

**4 minutes later**

Having a naice warm shower.

'KITTYKAT! YOU HAVE A TEXT FROM DEAR JULIA!'

'DAVID! ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY TEXT MESSAGES?!'

'THE BISCUIT IS CHECKING KITTYKAT DOESN'T HAVE A BIT ON THE SIDE!'

Dave just laughed like a loon. 'AND DON'T CALL ME DAVID!'

I sighed. Why am I dating such a fule?

'WHAT DID JOOLS SAY?!'

'I'M GOING TO KILL THAT HORNMEISTER! ROLLO SAID HE WOULDN'T TELL A SOUL!'

I laughed. 'THE BISCUIT DIDN'T TELL A SOUL! THE BISCUIT TOLD KITTYKAT!'

**10 minutes later**

The Hornmeister is waiting for Kittykat. 'What?'

Dave's smugness right now is a ickle unnerving.

'Nothing Kittykat. Get dressed.'

I raised my eyebrows.

Dave raised his higher.

'You replied to Jools. Didn't you?'

The Hornmeister nodded. Oh God.

**3 minutes later**

Fully dressed.

Hmmm... The Hornmeister has been amusing himself with my mobile.

Text to Jools.

_I've taken Kittykat hostage. If you wish to see her returned safely, you will follow my demands vair carefully. You shall hence refer to me as Your Royal Highness Prince Biscuit. You shall not interrupt the Biscuit's Kittykat time. And you shall make Rolland not mad with the Biscuit. _

Text to Mabs.

_Sorry Mabs... but I love Edward. He's so tres tres sexy._

Text to Robbie.

_Robbie I'm pregnant. Help me. I'm scared. :( How do I tell Dave? What if he's mad? Help me. Gee x_

I gave Dave death glares. 'You told Robbie I was pregnant!' The Hornmeister laughed.

'That's the Biscuit's favourite... As well as I love Edward, he's so tres tres sexy.'

How dare Dave tell Robbie that I'm pregnant? Robbie will freak.

**10:26 am**

Giving Dave ye ole' cold shoulder.

Robbie text back. _Georgia! o.O Please say you're joking! Robbie_

I burst out laughing like a loon.

Maybe Robbie's reaction was a little amusing.

'See. Kittykat finds the Biscuit's joke entertaining.'

**1 minute later**

Bugger... Robbie's ringing me.

'Hello.' Laughing like a loon.

'Georgia!' Oops. He sounds like he's having a nervy b.

'I'msorry. Davestolemyphoneandsentthete xt. I'mnotreallypreggers.'

Robbie was silent. 'Robbie. I'm not preggers. Dave was just being a fule.'

'Do me a favour, Gee? Throw something at him. Preferably something heavy, like a toaster.'

I laughed. 'A toaster?'

'Anything to dent that ego.' Robbie laughed.

**10:34 am**

Robbie finally hung up.

Time for today's activity, which is pottery.

**11:02 am**

Our pottery teachers tres tres marvy.

Her names is Charlotte. She's vair gut with the pottery.

Ooo... And she's wearing a vair gorgey floral dress.

Call-me-Lottie showed the Hornmeister and I how to spin a pot.

The wheel thingy moves vair fast. It's uber coolio.

'How about you two try now?'

**1 minute later**

Spinning pottery isn't as easy as it seems.

The Hornmeister's first attempt flew off the wheel.

It smashed through a window.

Charlotte told Davey not to worry about the window.

**20 minutes later**

Laughing like a loon. Dave's first pot is a crumpled mess.

Mine isn't much better though.

'Kittykat's laughing at the Biscuit's clay child.'

He's such a drama queen. 'Really Hornmeister, a clay child?'

'Yes. The Biscuit shall name her Emily.'

Hmmm. Emily the Clay Child.

**1 minute later**

Watching the Biscuit scratch the name 'Emily' onto the side of his first pot.

Charlotte had left us to instruct a second couple.

'Emily's sibling will look more like Kittykat and less like the Biscuit.'

'Dave. You realise Emily's a pot?' The Hornmeister wouldn't listen.

**11:41 am**

The Hornmeister has just placed two clay handprints on my nunga-nungas.

I raised my eyebrows. The Hornmeister laughed.

'Couldn't resist mon Kittykat.' He winked at moi.

'Grow up, David.' A expression of mock hurt crossed Dave's face.

I laughed. 'The Biscuit is deeply hurt by Kittykat's cruel comment.'

**2 minutes later**

Snogging the Biscuit. Number 5.

**12:23 pm**

Emily the Clay Child has been joined by several other pots (or siblings).

The Hornmeister obviously thought hard about their names.

We have: Emily, Jimmy, Anne, Tom, Mable, Daisy, Joe and Peter.

Daisy obvious takes after me, because the Hornmeister has fashioned her a vair huge conk.

'Kittykat isn't amused Hornmeister.'

**1 minute later**

Giving Dave the ole' cold shoulder...

... until he removes Daisy's conk.

**1 minute later**

The Hornmeister seems to be ignoring me.

He's making facial features for his clay children.

**12:45 pm**

Pottery class end with placing our pots in the kiln.

'Is Kittykat giving the Biscuit ye ole' cold shoulder?'

I didn't reply... But you loons knew that.

Walking back to the cabin, the Biscuit held my hand.

He won't let go.

**1 minute later**

Ooo. Text from Mabs.

_Ed said tell the Hornmeister that he doesn't swing that way... And Gee, if the text was from you, then tough you're not having my Eddie. Love Mabs ;)_

The Hornmeister's reading the text over my shoulder.

Dave laughed like a loon on loon tablets.

**5 minute later**

Cooking lunch with the Hornmeister.

The Hornmeister wrapped his arms around my waist.

'Would a quick snog make Kittykat talk to the Biscuit?'

I raised my eyebrows. 'Dave. I'm not a common tart.'

Dave smiled. 'Arr... but Kittykat can't resist the Biscuit.'

**1 minute later**

Snogging Dave. Number 6.

Why does The Hornmeister have to be so irresistible?

_**A.N. Hey. I know I've been really bad and not updated in ages. I've had a lot going on and every time I sat down to write I got distracted with my other stories. I am having severe writers block with this, but I have an idea how to solve that. This chapters a bit of a filler, but I hope you all enjoy it. The reviews really help and make me feel guilty for not writing, so keep them up. I've also been sucked back into reading FanFic, so you can blame Harry Potter and the Marauders for holding my attention. Thanks for your patients with me. Love RoxannetheLaugh...**_


End file.
